SHAZZAM
Monday, August 20, 2007
Am I too old, or just over it?
So for the past five (wow) years, I've been using AIM to keep friends updated of new blog posts, and just used it in general because it was the first way to stalk folks without them knowing. Now, I am never signed on. And I'm not updating my blog. What is going on?
I seriously have funny stories to tell. But I am rarely motivated enough to transcribe it all. And then when I do write something, I'm not on AIM for folks to know to check it. Perhaps I need a new method of advertising. Something. Either way--here's a new story, and it involves my favorite thing: bathrooms.
This past week, I was using the bathroom on an airplane. I used a tissue to pick up the seat, because who likes piss seats? I threw the piece of tissue in the toilet. And it sat there. Then I saw the sign about how they don't allow you to put waste into the toilet--other than poop or urine. And there was my tissue. MY TISSUE. The flight attendant saw me go in because I asked him if it was okay if I used it. He's going to know I am responsible if this toilet erupts and causes the plane to crash because you're not supposed to put tissue in the toilet. He would know it was me!
I did what all other responsible adults would do--grabbed another tissue, reached down in there and grabbed the original tissue. For someone afraid to touch piss toilet seats, does it make sense that I would reach into a public toilet to touch, well, anything? NO. And yet, that's what I did. All I could think about was "Knocked Up" and how the house full of dudes all got pink eye because they farted on each other's pillows--their eyes got in contact with fecal matter. Either way, I just stuck my hand in a public toilet and now my eyes were itching. I was doomed to have pink eye for life, all because I had to stick my hand in the toilet.
No pink eye for me, however. I made sure to use their antibacterial soap, in hopes it could rinse off the poop residue from my hand, and perhaps keep my eyes pink free. And I threw my paper towel into the weird paper waste hole in the wall. I returned to my seat and enjoyed "Waitress".
Later that night, my eye starts to bother me. I'm convinced it's swelling up, and that it's going to cause death. All because somehow poo particles made their way to my eye. And not just any old poo, but public poo. Something about it being public makes it disgusting. I've reached into my own toilet to grab stuff, but it's my waste! So, in actuality, it was not pink eye that was cause the weird swelling.
It was an eye pimple. Just my luck.
See, I told you that was funny.
I seriously have funny stories to tell. But I am rarely motivated enough to transcribe it all. And then when I do write something, I'm not on AIM for folks to know to check it. Perhaps I need a new method of advertising. Something. Either way--here's a new story, and it involves my favorite thing: bathrooms.
This past week, I was using the bathroom on an airplane. I used a tissue to pick up the seat, because who likes piss seats? I threw the piece of tissue in the toilet. And it sat there. Then I saw the sign about how they don't allow you to put waste into the toilet--other than poop or urine. And there was my tissue. MY TISSUE. The flight attendant saw me go in because I asked him if it was okay if I used it. He's going to know I am responsible if this toilet erupts and causes the plane to crash because you're not supposed to put tissue in the toilet. He would know it was me!
I did what all other responsible adults would do--grabbed another tissue, reached down in there and grabbed the original tissue. For someone afraid to touch piss toilet seats, does it make sense that I would reach into a public toilet to touch, well, anything? NO. And yet, that's what I did. All I could think about was "Knocked Up" and how the house full of dudes all got pink eye because they farted on each other's pillows--their eyes got in contact with fecal matter. Either way, I just stuck my hand in a public toilet and now my eyes were itching. I was doomed to have pink eye for life, all because I had to stick my hand in the toilet.
No pink eye for me, however. I made sure to use their antibacterial soap, in hopes it could rinse off the poop residue from my hand, and perhaps keep my eyes pink free. And I threw my paper towel into the weird paper waste hole in the wall. I returned to my seat and enjoyed "Waitress".
Later that night, my eye starts to bother me. I'm convinced it's swelling up, and that it's going to cause death. All because somehow poo particles made their way to my eye. And not just any old poo, but public poo. Something about it being public makes it disgusting. I've reached into my own toilet to grab stuff, but it's my waste! So, in actuality, it was not pink eye that was cause the weird swelling.
It was an eye pimple. Just my luck.
See, I told you that was funny.
Labels: Poop
¶ 11:28 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
It's (almost) the first of the month
Dude, must pay rent tomorrow. I hate bills.
If you've been with me for a while, you know I always have kind of insane things happen, particularly in the bathroom. Yesterday this happened. So I'm sitting there, doing my thing. I got kind of bored, so I bust out my phone and start playing Tetris. Then I realize I've been in there for like ten minutes. But I didn't realize this until some other guy had come on. And proceeded to take either the longest piss ever or wash his entire body in the sink. So I'm just sitting there, waiting to leave.
I had been in there a while, so I knew it was time to go. So washer/long piss man's doing his thing, and this other guy comes in and they start chatting it up. Meanwhile, I realize there might be a faint hint of an odor in the bathroom, and there's only one person who it can be attributed to. Realizing this, I figure it would be best to just stay in the stall until those folks leave.
So then one of them leaves, and another guy comes in. And whoever else is left begins talking. Ugh. I need to get out of here! Why did I decide it'd be cool to play Tetris in the bathroom!? At this point, I'm like, we all take shits. I have to leave now. Oh, the guy at the urinal apparently is super regular, as was his friend. They talked about how they only ever see each other in the bathroom, even when they are on leave. Do they not realize how weird that is? This coming from take-a- shit-tris man.
I end up leaving, but not without feeling a little weird. Tetris is seriously one of the most insane games, ever.
Anyway, there was this one song that was featured in a ton of the spring fashion shows that's super catchy and I just found out what it is, Peter Bjorn & John, "Young People." You must get it. Oh, and Eight Legs' "These Grey Days". Those are getting major play here with me.
¶ 5:13 PM 0 comments
If you've been with me for a while, you know I always have kind of insane things happen, particularly in the bathroom. Yesterday this happened. So I'm sitting there, doing my thing. I got kind of bored, so I bust out my phone and start playing Tetris. Then I realize I've been in there for like ten minutes. But I didn't realize this until some other guy had come on. And proceeded to take either the longest piss ever or wash his entire body in the sink. So I'm just sitting there, waiting to leave.
I had been in there a while, so I knew it was time to go. So washer/long piss man's doing his thing, and this other guy comes in and they start chatting it up. Meanwhile, I realize there might be a faint hint of an odor in the bathroom, and there's only one person who it can be attributed to. Realizing this, I figure it would be best to just stay in the stall until those folks leave.
So then one of them leaves, and another guy comes in. And whoever else is left begins talking. Ugh. I need to get out of here! Why did I decide it'd be cool to play Tetris in the bathroom!? At this point, I'm like, we all take shits. I have to leave now. Oh, the guy at the urinal apparently is super regular, as was his friend. They talked about how they only ever see each other in the bathroom, even when they are on leave. Do they not realize how weird that is? This coming from take-a- shit-tris man.
I end up leaving, but not without feeling a little weird. Tetris is seriously one of the most insane games, ever.
Anyway, there was this one song that was featured in a ton of the spring fashion shows that's super catchy and I just found out what it is, Peter Bjorn & John, "Young People." You must get it. Oh, and Eight Legs' "These Grey Days". Those are getting major play here with me.
¶ 5:13 PM 0 comments
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Ok-k-k
So I was out with my friends on their first and last night of Spring Break. I go to pee. I normally have to urinate quite frequently; if you know me, you know this. I'm in the bathroom waiting for dudes to finish so I can take my place in one of the stalls with no doors.
"You know, we should get it like 'Girls Gone Wild' in here!" one dude said, I assume he was referring to the bathroom.
"Yeah, lots of naked chicks!"
"Ooh, how about a slip-n-slide!? A slip-n-slide in piss!"
And nobody said anything to this fool. A slip-n-slide in piss!? What the fuck man! That is not cool, sexy, hot or even sanitary. And nobody said dude, that's gross. They were like, oh yeah let's do it.
I left the bathroom laughing to myself. I wanted to say chuckling, but I don't chuckle (what is a chuckle anyway?).
Dust. ¶ 1:59 AM 0 comments
"You know, we should get it like 'Girls Gone Wild' in here!" one dude said, I assume he was referring to the bathroom.
"Yeah, lots of naked chicks!"
"Ooh, how about a slip-n-slide!? A slip-n-slide in piss!"
And nobody said anything to this fool. A slip-n-slide in piss!? What the fuck man! That is not cool, sexy, hot or even sanitary. And nobody said dude, that's gross. They were like, oh yeah let's do it.
I left the bathroom laughing to myself. I wanted to say chuckling, but I don't chuckle (what is a chuckle anyway?).
Dust. ¶ 1:59 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Oh lord
When I brush my teeth, I always brush my tongue. And when I brush my tongue, I brush the hell out of it. I was just brushing my tongue to the point of upchucking food (way disgusting, I know). And all this red stuff came out. I watched "Saw II" last night and those folks were coughing up similar looking stuff. I thought I had been attacked by nerve gas and was spitting up my lungs. No, I just drank some Gatorade earlier. Ugh, I need to go to sleep!
¶ 12:43 AM 0 comments
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Remix
I feel bad for fooling folks into thinking I updated yesterday. I did, but I decided the post sucked, so I deleted it. Folks don't want to hear shit like that. So, I've decided to bring back an old post. Enjoy.
Soap cups are the bomb [10/05/03 10:56 PM]
I do not understand things sometimes. Why does all my stuff end up falling into toilets? Okay, I'll give you a couple buttons off some pants or something. But this past weekend, things have sunk to a new low. I was using the bathroom, you know how folks do. I put my soap and shirt on top of the toilet paper dispenser. And wouldn't you know, my soap dish thing fell into the toilet. Talk about disgusting. For some reason, I felt compelled to reach in and pull it out. Then, I decided that that was really gross, so I took care of business and proceeded to the trash can where I threw that soap thing away. I don't have any clue what was in that toilet or what kind of germs were on the soap thing, so I thought it would be best to trash it. Why does my shit decide to end its life by falling into toilets? It seems everything in my life recently revolves around toilets and toilet paper. Is there something to this that nobody else has told me?
Ok, I'll admit it. I watched the Trading Spaces where they got $50,000 to re-do a room. That's nuts, first off. They normally only get $1,000 and on this one, they get $50,000! And wouldn't you know it, Sony decides they're gonna throw in brand new TVs, stereos, computers, etc. Where can I sign up for this thing at? I don't want no slip-covers and shit, I want some nice-ass stereo equipment man!
Let me speak on one thing for a minute. Why do some people have to be loud as hell in the morning? I know I've talked about this before, but dang, it is still an issue. Went up to see a good buddy of mine and stayed in his room, with his roommate. Well this dude thinks it's a cool idea to walk around holding keys by one key and letting the rest of them dangle and make noise and shit. That is not cool, no matter how old. Okay, maybe when you're like two, but not 19. We're trying to sleep, and this fool is walking around like Super Key Dude or something. You're already in the room, why still carry keys around? Come on dude. And you know, once I'm awake, I'm awake, so there was no falling back asleep after that mess.
This is something else that's bothering me. Have you ever been accused of caring too much? Maybe of caring too little, but not too much. Who says "Will you please not care about me?" That's crackheaded to say, which I guess makes sense in terms of what and who I'm talking about! But for real, who can care too much? Like there are some people that I care less about, but like my best friends, I care a whole lot and if you are going to be doing stupid shit, I'm going to say something. My bad because I care. I can't believe this is even an issue.
I was totally bummed out because I had to go to the volleyball match this afternoon. I have no clue what goes on in those things or what any of it means. I do not understand anything related to volleyball, other than what you learn in high school PE volleyball. Well, turns out, it was the bomb idea for me to go to this match. They called out my ticket number and I won a prize. Talk about cool man. The prize I won at first, something regarding time in a tanning bed or something, did not cut it. So the guy gave me a $10 gift certificate to this sporting goods store. I was like "Yeeeah man". So, now I just have to figure out what to buy with it. I may need to buy a weight belt. That would make most sense. Anyway.
My music thing on the computer has now played three straight Coldplay songs, I'm feeling kind of down now. Ok, not really, but I'm getting there. Time to switch it on up before I end up cutting some things. Ok, not really to that either. And whoever thought "Liberian Girl" was a cool song, I hate you. That shit has been in my head for like three days. Go back to Liberia, you're not welcome here.
Ok, this is not necessarily the hotness either. But I felt like writing some stuff. Look for the fire Thursday after I've had some time to see stupid folks. Holla.
Mood: It's whatever
Music: Aerosmith - "Jaded"
Not a damn thing has changed! My life is still all about the bathroom, things going down there, people being up in it. I think I'm going to study bathrooms and bathroom behaviors. But then I would totally be one of those people I hate, you know the ones, who always are commenting and shit about folks not washing their hands, putting down the toilet seat, etc. Stupid shit. Pun intended. ¶ 4:18 PM 0 comments
Soap cups are the bomb [10/05/03 10:56 PM]
I do not understand things sometimes. Why does all my stuff end up falling into toilets? Okay, I'll give you a couple buttons off some pants or something. But this past weekend, things have sunk to a new low. I was using the bathroom, you know how folks do. I put my soap and shirt on top of the toilet paper dispenser. And wouldn't you know, my soap dish thing fell into the toilet. Talk about disgusting. For some reason, I felt compelled to reach in and pull it out. Then, I decided that that was really gross, so I took care of business and proceeded to the trash can where I threw that soap thing away. I don't have any clue what was in that toilet or what kind of germs were on the soap thing, so I thought it would be best to trash it. Why does my shit decide to end its life by falling into toilets? It seems everything in my life recently revolves around toilets and toilet paper. Is there something to this that nobody else has told me?
Ok, I'll admit it. I watched the Trading Spaces where they got $50,000 to re-do a room. That's nuts, first off. They normally only get $1,000 and on this one, they get $50,000! And wouldn't you know it, Sony decides they're gonna throw in brand new TVs, stereos, computers, etc. Where can I sign up for this thing at? I don't want no slip-covers and shit, I want some nice-ass stereo equipment man!
Let me speak on one thing for a minute. Why do some people have to be loud as hell in the morning? I know I've talked about this before, but dang, it is still an issue. Went up to see a good buddy of mine and stayed in his room, with his roommate. Well this dude thinks it's a cool idea to walk around holding keys by one key and letting the rest of them dangle and make noise and shit. That is not cool, no matter how old. Okay, maybe when you're like two, but not 19. We're trying to sleep, and this fool is walking around like Super Key Dude or something. You're already in the room, why still carry keys around? Come on dude. And you know, once I'm awake, I'm awake, so there was no falling back asleep after that mess.
This is something else that's bothering me. Have you ever been accused of caring too much? Maybe of caring too little, but not too much. Who says "Will you please not care about me?" That's crackheaded to say, which I guess makes sense in terms of what and who I'm talking about! But for real, who can care too much? Like there are some people that I care less about, but like my best friends, I care a whole lot and if you are going to be doing stupid shit, I'm going to say something. My bad because I care. I can't believe this is even an issue.
I was totally bummed out because I had to go to the volleyball match this afternoon. I have no clue what goes on in those things or what any of it means. I do not understand anything related to volleyball, other than what you learn in high school PE volleyball. Well, turns out, it was the bomb idea for me to go to this match. They called out my ticket number and I won a prize. Talk about cool man. The prize I won at first, something regarding time in a tanning bed or something, did not cut it. So the guy gave me a $10 gift certificate to this sporting goods store. I was like "Yeeeah man". So, now I just have to figure out what to buy with it. I may need to buy a weight belt. That would make most sense. Anyway.
My music thing on the computer has now played three straight Coldplay songs, I'm feeling kind of down now. Ok, not really, but I'm getting there. Time to switch it on up before I end up cutting some things. Ok, not really to that either. And whoever thought "Liberian Girl" was a cool song, I hate you. That shit has been in my head for like three days. Go back to Liberia, you're not welcome here.
Ok, this is not necessarily the hotness either. But I felt like writing some stuff. Look for the fire Thursday after I've had some time to see stupid folks. Holla.
Mood: It's whatever
Music: Aerosmith - "Jaded"
Not a damn thing has changed! My life is still all about the bathroom, things going down there, people being up in it. I think I'm going to study bathrooms and bathroom behaviors. But then I would totally be one of those people I hate, you know the ones, who always are commenting and shit about folks not washing their hands, putting down the toilet seat, etc. Stupid shit. Pun intended. ¶ 4:18 PM 0 comments
Friday, September 30, 2005
Can't Get Right
No matter the year, month or day, something fucks up when it comes to my stomach or my food. Today was alright until about 1pm. Then all shit broke loose. I need to stop eating so late. And when I do eat late, having fools put like three cups of cheese on my quesadilla ain’t so hot. It tastes so good, though! I just gotta say no. That mess tasted good, but didn’t feel so good. Anyway.
Tonight, I was just trying to get my meal on. I wanted a sandwich, but the voice of reason called to my attention that even if I got the sandwich I wanted (gotta love anything called the Italian) it would be about the same as some damn pizza in terms of healthyness. This is true. However, I wanted a sandwich. Then, a stroke of brilliance hit me and was like, “Yo, you want to go to that place that serves that real good pizza that we gotta drive to and shit?” And he was like, “Oooh yeah!”.
So we hustle to my car. Ok, it wasn’t fast at all but thinking about the hot pizza we were going to be having made my step a little bit lighter. No time for the ipod, we were on a mission. So we navigate through campus, down the street and pull on into the parking lot. Normally, there are about fifty-eleven cars in the lot. Today, there were like only eleven. So I thinking and wondering, “What’s the deal!?” We get out, saw some folks standing in front of the doorway when we pulled in. We knew this place was open. So we go up to the door. No lights on. No people. No pizza. And a giant ass industrial size sink sitting in the middle of the floor. Either they’re closed, or their shit for real includes the kitchen sink.
There was a sign on the door. Something in a mix of gibberish, Spanish and something I think might have been English. Needless to say, we could not decipher what had happened to the Mecca of pizza (I can’t currently think of any better pizza place, but this one’s pretty close). That mess sucked. I had been thinking the entire car ride over there about what I was gonna get. You don’t play with me and my food! If you like your eyes or your fingers, you better come correct. By the way, this includes not serving me mustard-and-ham sandwiches at a party after you asked me what I wanted. I said chicken fingers and other fried shit cot damn it, not sandwiches. I’m not on some country club shit, get me food that will make me fat! Anyway, so we struggled to figure out where we would go. It’s like in that movie “AI” where Haley “I see dead people” Joel Osment (whatever it is) was looking for that city of the blue queen or something. He gets all the way there to find out it doesn’t exist. That’s what this is like. Except we didn’t sit in our car for seven-hundred years and freeze. And we left to go find other food. Anyway, got in the car and went to the main road with food.
So there is like zero parking on this street unless you got mad quarters. Being the baller that I am, I only deal in Benjamins (or Washingtons…but who’s keeping score?), so I had no change. They need to install like cash or debit card machines on those things. They would get much more business. Anyway, so we went and tried to find a spot in some of those overpriced pay lots. The one I always use was full. You just let one person in and two people out, give me a spot! The red full sign said, “No fool!” so we had to go somewhere else. So five feet down the street, I see a parking deck with the gates all up. Free, free, free. Sounds hot to me. So I roll up, park the car and we walk to the second rate pizza place we still eat at despite all the shit we talk about it each time we leave. So some stupid shit went down, and made it one of the most uncomfortable and not fun meals in history. Not to mention the pizza was shit. Left the bitch in a hurry, with a not fly tip on the table. Those people are always so angry. Improve your food and maybe I’ll improve my tip and then maybe you can improve your smile. That is, of course, if you have teeth. The people that work at this place are mad sketchy, so no teeth wouldn’t surprise me. This might explain why they never look nice. Anyway.
So dinner was dookie, meaning it’s really [the] shit. We head back to the free parking deck. All the gates are down and someone who I will refer to as Small Red was occupying the gate box. So I roll all the way up to the gate, expecting it to open, cause you know I didn’t pay. Then I look at Small Red like, you got to be kidding me. I roll down the window and say, “Uh, I didn’t pay anything to park. All the gates were up.”
“That’ll be three dollars,” Small Red said as he dug that number out of his ass. Not even knowing how much their for real hourly charge is, I hand that fool my three dollars. So then I’m like, “Motherfucker, don’t be fucking with me. The gates were up. You wanna get cut!?”
Ok, not actually what I said, but kinda funny. But I did ask why the gates were up and nobody was there to take my money. He said he was in the bathroom. Now that I think about it, I can sympathize. My life goes on hold every time I gotta go. But dammmmmmnnnnnn (like Smokey from “Friday”), why you gonna charge me now? I still paid that fool. But don’t let me see you in the streets! I honestly do not ever remember what this man looks like other than small with red hair. Oh well. Turns out the damn pizza place moved. To an entirely different city. Oh well. They always took too damn long anyway.
I am mad ridiculous sometimes. Other folks (no names, but if you think this is you, it probably is) are ridiculous, too. I feel like admitting my ridiculousness is a good thing (but knowing you act ridiculously is not so good). Anyway, I’m trying to work on that. So we talked about the shit that was bothering a fool. Then I went and saw “Fever Pitch”. At best, it was okay. I really like Drew Barrymore. I really do. But something about this movie made me feel like I was watching a live-action cartoon (instead of the other way around like “The Flintstones” or some shit). Those SNL folks need to stop thinking they can carry movies alone. The thought behind this was nice: love and baseball. In theory it works, in for realness, not so much. It could’ve been better. Oh well, it was free!
So that’s been the night so far. I think a trek to a mysterious convenience store is forthcoming, but only time will tell. You know it’s bad when you’re jonesin for juice. Sobe is the shit, for real. Power is the one. Anyway, I hope to see that and something Mexican tonight. So a hootie hoo and peace out. You ain’t got to go home, but you better get the hell out of here! ¶ 11:15 PM 0 comments
Tonight, I was just trying to get my meal on. I wanted a sandwich, but the voice of reason called to my attention that even if I got the sandwich I wanted (gotta love anything called the Italian) it would be about the same as some damn pizza in terms of healthyness. This is true. However, I wanted a sandwich. Then, a stroke of brilliance hit me and was like, “Yo, you want to go to that place that serves that real good pizza that we gotta drive to and shit?” And he was like, “Oooh yeah!”.
So we hustle to my car. Ok, it wasn’t fast at all but thinking about the hot pizza we were going to be having made my step a little bit lighter. No time for the ipod, we were on a mission. So we navigate through campus, down the street and pull on into the parking lot. Normally, there are about fifty-eleven cars in the lot. Today, there were like only eleven. So I thinking and wondering, “What’s the deal!?” We get out, saw some folks standing in front of the doorway when we pulled in. We knew this place was open. So we go up to the door. No lights on. No people. No pizza. And a giant ass industrial size sink sitting in the middle of the floor. Either they’re closed, or their shit for real includes the kitchen sink.
There was a sign on the door. Something in a mix of gibberish, Spanish and something I think might have been English. Needless to say, we could not decipher what had happened to the Mecca of pizza (I can’t currently think of any better pizza place, but this one’s pretty close). That mess sucked. I had been thinking the entire car ride over there about what I was gonna get. You don’t play with me and my food! If you like your eyes or your fingers, you better come correct. By the way, this includes not serving me mustard-and-ham sandwiches at a party after you asked me what I wanted. I said chicken fingers and other fried shit cot damn it, not sandwiches. I’m not on some country club shit, get me food that will make me fat! Anyway, so we struggled to figure out where we would go. It’s like in that movie “AI” where Haley “I see dead people” Joel Osment (whatever it is) was looking for that city of the blue queen or something. He gets all the way there to find out it doesn’t exist. That’s what this is like. Except we didn’t sit in our car for seven-hundred years and freeze. And we left to go find other food. Anyway, got in the car and went to the main road with food.
So there is like zero parking on this street unless you got mad quarters. Being the baller that I am, I only deal in Benjamins (or Washingtons…but who’s keeping score?), so I had no change. They need to install like cash or debit card machines on those things. They would get much more business. Anyway, so we went and tried to find a spot in some of those overpriced pay lots. The one I always use was full. You just let one person in and two people out, give me a spot! The red full sign said, “No fool!” so we had to go somewhere else. So five feet down the street, I see a parking deck with the gates all up. Free, free, free. Sounds hot to me. So I roll up, park the car and we walk to the second rate pizza place we still eat at despite all the shit we talk about it each time we leave. So some stupid shit went down, and made it one of the most uncomfortable and not fun meals in history. Not to mention the pizza was shit. Left the bitch in a hurry, with a not fly tip on the table. Those people are always so angry. Improve your food and maybe I’ll improve my tip and then maybe you can improve your smile. That is, of course, if you have teeth. The people that work at this place are mad sketchy, so no teeth wouldn’t surprise me. This might explain why they never look nice. Anyway.
So dinner was dookie, meaning it’s really [the] shit. We head back to the free parking deck. All the gates are down and someone who I will refer to as Small Red was occupying the gate box. So I roll all the way up to the gate, expecting it to open, cause you know I didn’t pay. Then I look at Small Red like, you got to be kidding me. I roll down the window and say, “Uh, I didn’t pay anything to park. All the gates were up.”
“That’ll be three dollars,” Small Red said as he dug that number out of his ass. Not even knowing how much their for real hourly charge is, I hand that fool my three dollars. So then I’m like, “Motherfucker, don’t be fucking with me. The gates were up. You wanna get cut!?”
Ok, not actually what I said, but kinda funny. But I did ask why the gates were up and nobody was there to take my money. He said he was in the bathroom. Now that I think about it, I can sympathize. My life goes on hold every time I gotta go. But dammmmmmnnnnnn (like Smokey from “Friday”), why you gonna charge me now? I still paid that fool. But don’t let me see you in the streets! I honestly do not ever remember what this man looks like other than small with red hair. Oh well. Turns out the damn pizza place moved. To an entirely different city. Oh well. They always took too damn long anyway.
I am mad ridiculous sometimes. Other folks (no names, but if you think this is you, it probably is) are ridiculous, too. I feel like admitting my ridiculousness is a good thing (but knowing you act ridiculously is not so good). Anyway, I’m trying to work on that. So we talked about the shit that was bothering a fool. Then I went and saw “Fever Pitch”. At best, it was okay. I really like Drew Barrymore. I really do. But something about this movie made me feel like I was watching a live-action cartoon (instead of the other way around like “The Flintstones” or some shit). Those SNL folks need to stop thinking they can carry movies alone. The thought behind this was nice: love and baseball. In theory it works, in for realness, not so much. It could’ve been better. Oh well, it was free!
So that’s been the night so far. I think a trek to a mysterious convenience store is forthcoming, but only time will tell. You know it’s bad when you’re jonesin for juice. Sobe is the shit, for real. Power is the one. Anyway, I hope to see that and something Mexican tonight. So a hootie hoo and peace out. You ain’t got to go home, but you better get the hell out of here! ¶ 11:15 PM 0 comments
