SHAZZAM
Monday, August 20, 2007
Am I too old, or just over it?
So for the past five (wow) years, I've been using AIM to keep friends updated of new blog posts, and just used it in general because it was the first way to stalk folks without them knowing. Now, I am never signed on. And I'm not updating my blog. What is going on?
I seriously have funny stories to tell. But I am rarely motivated enough to transcribe it all. And then when I do write something, I'm not on AIM for folks to know to check it. Perhaps I need a new method of advertising. Something. Either way--here's a new story, and it involves my favorite thing: bathrooms.
This past week, I was using the bathroom on an airplane. I used a tissue to pick up the seat, because who likes piss seats? I threw the piece of tissue in the toilet. And it sat there. Then I saw the sign about how they don't allow you to put waste into the toilet--other than poop or urine. And there was my tissue. MY TISSUE. The flight attendant saw me go in because I asked him if it was okay if I used it. He's going to know I am responsible if this toilet erupts and causes the plane to crash because you're not supposed to put tissue in the toilet. He would know it was me!
I did what all other responsible adults would do--grabbed another tissue, reached down in there and grabbed the original tissue. For someone afraid to touch piss toilet seats, does it make sense that I would reach into a public toilet to touch, well, anything? NO. And yet, that's what I did. All I could think about was "Knocked Up" and how the house full of dudes all got pink eye because they farted on each other's pillows--their eyes got in contact with fecal matter. Either way, I just stuck my hand in a public toilet and now my eyes were itching. I was doomed to have pink eye for life, all because I had to stick my hand in the toilet.
No pink eye for me, however. I made sure to use their antibacterial soap, in hopes it could rinse off the poop residue from my hand, and perhaps keep my eyes pink free. And I threw my paper towel into the weird paper waste hole in the wall. I returned to my seat and enjoyed "Waitress".
Later that night, my eye starts to bother me. I'm convinced it's swelling up, and that it's going to cause death. All because somehow poo particles made their way to my eye. And not just any old poo, but public poo. Something about it being public makes it disgusting. I've reached into my own toilet to grab stuff, but it's my waste! So, in actuality, it was not pink eye that was cause the weird swelling.
It was an eye pimple. Just my luck.
See, I told you that was funny.
I seriously have funny stories to tell. But I am rarely motivated enough to transcribe it all. And then when I do write something, I'm not on AIM for folks to know to check it. Perhaps I need a new method of advertising. Something. Either way--here's a new story, and it involves my favorite thing: bathrooms.
This past week, I was using the bathroom on an airplane. I used a tissue to pick up the seat, because who likes piss seats? I threw the piece of tissue in the toilet. And it sat there. Then I saw the sign about how they don't allow you to put waste into the toilet--other than poop or urine. And there was my tissue. MY TISSUE. The flight attendant saw me go in because I asked him if it was okay if I used it. He's going to know I am responsible if this toilet erupts and causes the plane to crash because you're not supposed to put tissue in the toilet. He would know it was me!
I did what all other responsible adults would do--grabbed another tissue, reached down in there and grabbed the original tissue. For someone afraid to touch piss toilet seats, does it make sense that I would reach into a public toilet to touch, well, anything? NO. And yet, that's what I did. All I could think about was "Knocked Up" and how the house full of dudes all got pink eye because they farted on each other's pillows--their eyes got in contact with fecal matter. Either way, I just stuck my hand in a public toilet and now my eyes were itching. I was doomed to have pink eye for life, all because I had to stick my hand in the toilet.
No pink eye for me, however. I made sure to use their antibacterial soap, in hopes it could rinse off the poop residue from my hand, and perhaps keep my eyes pink free. And I threw my paper towel into the weird paper waste hole in the wall. I returned to my seat and enjoyed "Waitress".
Later that night, my eye starts to bother me. I'm convinced it's swelling up, and that it's going to cause death. All because somehow poo particles made their way to my eye. And not just any old poo, but public poo. Something about it being public makes it disgusting. I've reached into my own toilet to grab stuff, but it's my waste! So, in actuality, it was not pink eye that was cause the weird swelling.
It was an eye pimple. Just my luck.
See, I told you that was funny.
Labels: Poop
¶ 11:28 PM 0 comments
