SHAZZAM
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Ok-k-k
So I was out with my friends on their first and last night of Spring Break. I go to pee. I normally have to urinate quite frequently; if you know me, you know this. I'm in the bathroom waiting for dudes to finish so I can take my place in one of the stalls with no doors.
"You know, we should get it like 'Girls Gone Wild' in here!" one dude said, I assume he was referring to the bathroom.
"Yeah, lots of naked chicks!"
"Ooh, how about a slip-n-slide!? A slip-n-slide in piss!"
And nobody said anything to this fool. A slip-n-slide in piss!? What the fuck man! That is not cool, sexy, hot or even sanitary. And nobody said dude, that's gross. They were like, oh yeah let's do it.
I left the bathroom laughing to myself. I wanted to say chuckling, but I don't chuckle (what is a chuckle anyway?).
Dust. ¶ 1:59 AM 0 comments
"You know, we should get it like 'Girls Gone Wild' in here!" one dude said, I assume he was referring to the bathroom.
"Yeah, lots of naked chicks!"
"Ooh, how about a slip-n-slide!? A slip-n-slide in piss!"
And nobody said anything to this fool. A slip-n-slide in piss!? What the fuck man! That is not cool, sexy, hot or even sanitary. And nobody said dude, that's gross. They were like, oh yeah let's do it.
I left the bathroom laughing to myself. I wanted to say chuckling, but I don't chuckle (what is a chuckle anyway?).
Dust. ¶ 1:59 AM 0 comments
Sunday, March 05, 2006
It's hard out here for a pimp.
I was a bit pissed at a particular cafeteria worker tonight and wrote this email that I have since decided not to send. But it is especially melodramatic and hilarious, so I figured I could share it and not have completely wasted twenty minutes. Enjoy!
To whom it may concern:
Never in my life have I been made to feel like a substandard citizen until this evening. I was going to get a Rice Krispie treat after dinner, when Chris, a cafeteria employee, stood watching every single patron of the bakery rack. Yes, I was quite bothered by his presence, making it uncomfortable to make a choice with this stern glare on every hand that made its way to the baked items. However, I was singled out for using the provided wax paper as opposed to the tongs located in the bakery drawers themselves. The tongs that are touched day after day by bare hands, hands that could be unclean and reeking of that week’s flu virus. Hands of other employees, who have been seen by multiple patrons of the cafeteria, going unclean after leaving a restroom to be met with the same rubber gloves that they serve out chicken and potatoes. Are these tongs washed or sanitized after each person touches them? I believe it is safe to say no. These tongs, after being touched by said hands, are then placed back on top of the baked items, so the germs from those hands are then spread directly to the food. If it is not more sanitary to use the provided wax paper, then why provide it?
If anything, it makes more sense for each patron to grab their desired baked item with the wax paper as opposed to the germ-ridden tongs. However, because of the glaring eye of Chris, patrons are made to feel uncomfortable if not inferior for using the provided means of getting baked goods. If you do not want us to use them, do not provide them. It makes no sense to chastise patrons for using what is provided them, what they pay for.
We are customers to the cafeteria, not at the mercy of its employees. If we are to respect them, we should be respected. If we are expected to abide by certain health standards, they should have to abide by the same standards. Why leave your post, where you should be making sure the baked goods are being prepared for consumption, or to make sure the smoothies are accurately blended, or to clean your hands? Why leave your post, where you should be doing your job? Unless it is in the job description to scrutinize over bare hands and baked goods, it seems perhaps this employee was out of line.
Instead of doing his presumed job, Chris was watching cafeteria patrons to ensure the germs stayed on the tongs, which were then placed back on top of the very food he was trying to protect.
See what I was saying about it being over-the-top?
Had a great weekend other than this asshole. So the Oscars are tonight. Hope good movies win (not "Capote". The dude who was Capote did a great job, but Capote the character [in the movie; I know his ass was real] was such an asshole. Mean people suck. But then Hannibal Lector did win one. Who knows.).
To whom it may concern:
Never in my life have I been made to feel like a substandard citizen until this evening. I was going to get a Rice Krispie treat after dinner, when Chris, a cafeteria employee, stood watching every single patron of the bakery rack. Yes, I was quite bothered by his presence, making it uncomfortable to make a choice with this stern glare on every hand that made its way to the baked items. However, I was singled out for using the provided wax paper as opposed to the tongs located in the bakery drawers themselves. The tongs that are touched day after day by bare hands, hands that could be unclean and reeking of that week’s flu virus. Hands of other employees, who have been seen by multiple patrons of the cafeteria, going unclean after leaving a restroom to be met with the same rubber gloves that they serve out chicken and potatoes. Are these tongs washed or sanitized after each person touches them? I believe it is safe to say no. These tongs, after being touched by said hands, are then placed back on top of the baked items, so the germs from those hands are then spread directly to the food. If it is not more sanitary to use the provided wax paper, then why provide it?
If anything, it makes more sense for each patron to grab their desired baked item with the wax paper as opposed to the germ-ridden tongs. However, because of the glaring eye of Chris, patrons are made to feel uncomfortable if not inferior for using the provided means of getting baked goods. If you do not want us to use them, do not provide them. It makes no sense to chastise patrons for using what is provided them, what they pay for.
We are customers to the cafeteria, not at the mercy of its employees. If we are to respect them, we should be respected. If we are expected to abide by certain health standards, they should have to abide by the same standards. Why leave your post, where you should be making sure the baked goods are being prepared for consumption, or to make sure the smoothies are accurately blended, or to clean your hands? Why leave your post, where you should be doing your job? Unless it is in the job description to scrutinize over bare hands and baked goods, it seems perhaps this employee was out of line.
Instead of doing his presumed job, Chris was watching cafeteria patrons to ensure the germs stayed on the tongs, which were then placed back on top of the very food he was trying to protect.
See what I was saying about it being over-the-top?
Had a great weekend other than this asshole. So the Oscars are tonight. Hope good movies win (not "Capote". The dude who was Capote did a great job, but Capote the character [in the movie; I know his ass was real] was such an asshole. Mean people suck. But then Hannibal Lector did win one. Who knows.).
Labels: random
¶ 5:40 PM 0 comments
