Friday, December 23, 2005
Dang, why didn't a fool tell me I said that so loud!?
Let it be known, I talk mad shit. Mostly behind people’s backs, and sometimes in front of their faces. But I always thought I did it where folks could not hear me. Also, I usually talk in a very loud voice. My inside-voice is your outside-voice. So the combination of talking shit and my loud-ass voice normally don’t end up getting me in trouble. That would be until tonight.
We had a little celebration for a friend tonight. No alcohol involved. Ok, very little and none consumed by me. Things are going so well. Bonfires are fun. Like just sticking sticks inside the embers and lighting the end on fire may be construed as somewhat pyromaniac, but it’s not like I’m deriving extreme-ass pleasure out of it. I just like to wave it around or pretend I’m like Indiana Jones walking through some dark-ass cave. Geez, could I say ass one more time? Anyway, so that was fun. The food was excellent, as well. The burgers were ENOURMOUS. This was good, but made them hard to eat. They were also somewhat ironic as a vegetarian made them. Funny, I know.
So, as college people, we try to be adults. And this entails going out. Honestly, I think many adults have a couple beers at home with some friends. We like to go out and have a couple plus five. Or so. I drove, so there was no drinking for me. This whole me not drinking tonight seems kind of alcoholics anonymous, but perhaps I am being melodramatic. Really, what I’m getting at is that I was mad sober. However, I still had an awesome time. Danced like a crazy man. I went into the bathroom to pee and had to get some toilet paper to dry my forehead and the dude next to me was all looking into my stall. Alright Mister Weirdo. Anyway, that really is not the punch-line of this story. It gets much more something (not sure of the right word).
There tends to be mad ugly chicks at this bar we frequent. I’m kind of convinced that beautiful women only live in foreign countries, New York or California (both which may qualify as foreign countries anyway). So, I thought it would be funny to point out to my friends all the lovely ugly chicks that were busting moves. I said, “Dang, it looks like the only girls who will dance are the ugly ones.” This is one of a bajillion examples of me talking shit. Normally, I am totally able to keep this on the low. Folks are drunk, the music is loud, you’re grinding. No way can people actually hear me. Well, this ho did. And took it upon herself to tap me on the shoulder, “If you’re going to talk shit, you need to go somewhere else.” Holy shit, I have been caught. And this woman easily could’ve taken me. I imagine she is an amateur female wrestler or something. Granted, I had a whole crew and could’ve taken this fool out, but I still felt bad. I apologized profusely. Oddly enough, I never thought that perhaps I could lie and I certainly didn’t think about taking it back. It was true, she was ugly and she needed to stop slow-dancing and booty hopping to Def Leppard. So, as per her orders, I did move. I’m not trying to get cut!
Next thing I know, apparently some dude that is with her comes up and taps me on the shoulder. What is with these people and damn shoulder tapping!? “What’d you say about my girl??” I say, “Nothing. I am sorry. We already worked it out.” Then Chyna Doll came over and pulled him away, but fool still wanted to talk or start a brawl or something. Ok, a man who is about to fight cannot honestly be taken seriously in a v-neck sweater. Sorry. You also have too much gel in your hair. I light your head on fire, I win. Not that I would do that (dang, maybe I should reconsider this pyro stuff)! I assume he thought he could start some shit because I was wearing what some might think a grandpa sweater. This shit is hot and bitches know this! So this dude and this chick look like they left.
Then, they come back. And their friend comes up, takes a look at me and turns around. At least she didn’t laugh! I must admit, I am a bit fly. So then their little crew decides to stare at me and my friends. And stare and stare and stare. This shit is freaking me out because staring at people is weird. Might as well be talking shit. I believe they wanted to provoke some shit. I’m too smart. It was time to leave.
So we leave and head down to the pizza place. I couldn’t even eat because I kept looking at the door to make sure the ugly crew didn’t roll up. This mess had me shook, like a halfway crook. I hope those are the words. Ugh, it’s real late and I am still thinking about this. I was scared they would’ve fucked with my car. They don’t know what I drive. Thank God.
Shout-outs to my friends. Ya’ll are alright! Next time I’m gonna be talking shit, I will whisper that mess in folks’ ears and walk the fuck away. No ma’am, I didn’t say shit. Now eat your sandwich and grind somewhere else!
PS
I don't want no babies. So I will not holler at ladies I know who have them. Thank you.
We had a little celebration for a friend tonight. No alcohol involved. Ok, very little and none consumed by me. Things are going so well. Bonfires are fun. Like just sticking sticks inside the embers and lighting the end on fire may be construed as somewhat pyromaniac, but it’s not like I’m deriving extreme-ass pleasure out of it. I just like to wave it around or pretend I’m like Indiana Jones walking through some dark-ass cave. Geez, could I say ass one more time? Anyway, so that was fun. The food was excellent, as well. The burgers were ENOURMOUS. This was good, but made them hard to eat. They were also somewhat ironic as a vegetarian made them. Funny, I know.
So, as college people, we try to be adults. And this entails going out. Honestly, I think many adults have a couple beers at home with some friends. We like to go out and have a couple plus five. Or so. I drove, so there was no drinking for me. This whole me not drinking tonight seems kind of alcoholics anonymous, but perhaps I am being melodramatic. Really, what I’m getting at is that I was mad sober. However, I still had an awesome time. Danced like a crazy man. I went into the bathroom to pee and had to get some toilet paper to dry my forehead and the dude next to me was all looking into my stall. Alright Mister Weirdo. Anyway, that really is not the punch-line of this story. It gets much more something (not sure of the right word).
There tends to be mad ugly chicks at this bar we frequent. I’m kind of convinced that beautiful women only live in foreign countries, New York or California (both which may qualify as foreign countries anyway). So, I thought it would be funny to point out to my friends all the lovely ugly chicks that were busting moves. I said, “Dang, it looks like the only girls who will dance are the ugly ones.” This is one of a bajillion examples of me talking shit. Normally, I am totally able to keep this on the low. Folks are drunk, the music is loud, you’re grinding. No way can people actually hear me. Well, this ho did. And took it upon herself to tap me on the shoulder, “If you’re going to talk shit, you need to go somewhere else.” Holy shit, I have been caught. And this woman easily could’ve taken me. I imagine she is an amateur female wrestler or something. Granted, I had a whole crew and could’ve taken this fool out, but I still felt bad. I apologized profusely. Oddly enough, I never thought that perhaps I could lie and I certainly didn’t think about taking it back. It was true, she was ugly and she needed to stop slow-dancing and booty hopping to Def Leppard. So, as per her orders, I did move. I’m not trying to get cut!
Next thing I know, apparently some dude that is with her comes up and taps me on the shoulder. What is with these people and damn shoulder tapping!? “What’d you say about my girl??” I say, “Nothing. I am sorry. We already worked it out.” Then Chyna Doll came over and pulled him away, but fool still wanted to talk or start a brawl or something. Ok, a man who is about to fight cannot honestly be taken seriously in a v-neck sweater. Sorry. You also have too much gel in your hair. I light your head on fire, I win. Not that I would do that (dang, maybe I should reconsider this pyro stuff)! I assume he thought he could start some shit because I was wearing what some might think a grandpa sweater. This shit is hot and bitches know this! So this dude and this chick look like they left.
Then, they come back. And their friend comes up, takes a look at me and turns around. At least she didn’t laugh! I must admit, I am a bit fly. So then their little crew decides to stare at me and my friends. And stare and stare and stare. This shit is freaking me out because staring at people is weird. Might as well be talking shit. I believe they wanted to provoke some shit. I’m too smart. It was time to leave.
So we leave and head down to the pizza place. I couldn’t even eat because I kept looking at the door to make sure the ugly crew didn’t roll up. This mess had me shook, like a halfway crook. I hope those are the words. Ugh, it’s real late and I am still thinking about this. I was scared they would’ve fucked with my car. They don’t know what I drive. Thank God.
Shout-outs to my friends. Ya’ll are alright! Next time I’m gonna be talking shit, I will whisper that mess in folks’ ears and walk the fuck away. No ma’am, I didn’t say shit. Now eat your sandwich and grind somewhere else!
PS
I don't want no babies. So I will not holler at ladies I know who have them. Thank you.
Labels: random
¶ 2:11 AM
