SHAZZAM

Am I too old, or just over it?

2007-08-20T23:28:00.000-05:00

So for the past five (wow) years, I've been using AIM to keep friends updated of new blog posts, and just used it in general because it was the first way to stalk folks without them knowing. Now, I am never signed on. And I'm not updating my blog. What is going on?

I seriously have funny stories to tell. But I am rarely motivated enough to transcribe it all. And then when I do write something, I'm not on AIM for folks to know to check it. Perhaps I need a new method of advertising. Something. Either way--here's a new story, and it involves my favorite thing: bathrooms.

This past week, I was using the bathroom on an airplane. I used a tissue to pick up the seat, because who likes piss seats? I threw the piece of tissue in the toilet. And it sat there. Then I saw the sign about how they don't allow you to put waste into the toilet--other than poop or urine. And there was my tissue. MY TISSUE. The flight attendant saw me go in because I asked him if it was okay if I used it. He's going to know I am responsible if this toilet erupts and causes the plane to crash because you're not supposed to put tissue in the toilet. He would know it was me!

I did what all other responsible adults would do--grabbed another tissue, reached down in there and grabbed the original tissue. For someone afraid to touch piss toilet seats, does it make sense that I would reach into a public toilet to touch, well, anything? NO. And yet, that's what I did. All I could think about was "Knocked Up" and how the house full of dudes all got pink eye because they farted on each other's pillows--their eyes got in contact with fecal matter. Either way, I just stuck my hand in a public toilet and now my eyes were itching. I was doomed to have pink eye for life, all because I had to stick my hand in the toilet.

No pink eye for me, however. I made sure to use their antibacterial soap, in hopes it could rinse off the poop residue from my hand, and perhaps keep my eyes pink free. And I threw my paper towel into the weird paper waste hole in the wall. I returned to my seat and enjoyed "Waitress".

Later that night, my eye starts to bother me. I'm convinced it's swelling up, and that it's going to cause death. All because somehow poo particles made their way to my eye. And not just any old poo, but public poo. Something about it being public makes it disgusting. I've reached into my own toilet to grab stuff, but it's my waste! So, in actuality, it was not pink eye that was cause the weird swelling.

It was an eye pimple. Just my luck.

See, I told you that was funny.

Included in the rent is a space heater...

2007-07-12T15:26:00.000-05:00

Why, tell me why, is it in 2007 would someone advertising an apartment for rent (1) not have at least some kind of central heating system in the apartment and (2) include a space heater as part of the rent? Those things are dangerous, and kind of outdated. They might as well also include in the rent an ax and matches. Maybe I am too spoiled by modern technologies like central heat and air, dishwashers, and garbage disposals, but I feel those things are necessary as any kind of habitating human in 2007. I wonder if this person with the space heater-needing apartment wonders why their apartment is still for rent...? Urgh. I guess I am destined to live in the suburbs for the rest of my life. Or at least until I am making enough money to afford one of those phat downtown lofts that are the size of the suburb apartment but at like $500,000 more. I'll cross that bridge if I come to it, ya dig.

Things I'm feeling right now...

2007-07-06T11:47:00.000-05:00

- Hate all you want. Kelly Clarkson's new album is pretty good. Yes, several of the songs involve her bitterness and seething, but there are some gems, too (How I Feel, Don't Waste Your Time, and Maybe--the whole album is great, but these could be the major singles). I love you Clive, but give your girl a chance!

- These two videos.

- After drinking Coke Zero and Diet Mountain Dew, I am back to drinking regular Coke. And it is nice. I am worried that my teeth might fall out because Coke (...and really most sodas) is full of sugar, but I'm using flouride, and I'm flossing, so hopefully I'm good.

- Going home. I haven't been home in a miiiinute, so I am very much looking forward to getting out of town, seeing my people, and chilling out. Even though I'll have to do some work while I'm there, it'll be pretty nice to be home and doing it.

- Oh, and another album that's pretty good. I won't say it's nearly even as good as KC's, but Kelly Rowland's new one is pretty good. Mathew Knowles, again, gives her the second place treatment and doesn't bring in the big doggs (Swizz Beats, the Neptunes, Rich Harrison, etc) to give Rowland a slickly produced sound, but there are several songs on this album that are nice: "Still In Love With My Ex," "Every Thought Is You," and "Better Without You." "Come Back" sounds like a poor man's "My Love"--it's a pretty blatant copy. And the lyrics are dumb. And that's not to say that Beyonce is know for her lyrical prowess (I'm pretty sure she reveled in the glow of "Bootylicious"), but this song is not very good. However, it is the first half of the album that is kind of lame, and it picks up in the second half. That is, until she hits you with, "This Is Love." This. Is. Crap. I just read a review today that compared Kelly's album to Destiny's Child from a few years back. I'd say I have to agree--meaning, that this would've been hot three or four years ago because it sounds like a throwaway DC album. Ugh. We'll see how this goes the second time around.

- I got a refund for a Half.com purchase that never arrived. That's exciting. eBay has a good customer protection plan, so if you get jacked you're covered. Thank god.

- I think I may have a funny story to post later. If I can get some real work done today, then I'll take some time and write it. It could be worth the wait.

Peace.

Five most recently played songs.

2007-06-11T18:27:00.000-05:00

- Arctic Monkeys, "Fake Tales of San Francisco"
- Kelly Price, "As We Lay"
- Dave Matthews Band, "Where Are You Going"
- Bjork, "Aeroplane"
- John Mayer, "Bigger Than My Body"

Source: http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2007/06/spot_inspection.html

American Idol - The Finals

2007-05-22T23:59:00.000-05:00

I seriously voted like 12 times for Jordin tonight. If she doesn't win, I'll be quite upset and disappointed. It might rank up there with Dubya being reelected. Ok, I can't equate beatboxing and Iraq, but...Blake was awful tonight. He stands zero to little chance of winning. Even after his lame attempt at bringing "You Give Love a Bad Name" back, he wasn't fresh nor awesome. The redux wasn't quite as good as the first time we heard it. And, wow, another Maroon 5 song this week. He's got some image issues, both musically and stylistically (stop the argyle insanity!) to work out if he wants to not end up like Diana DeGarmo.

If anything, tonight's final showed that Granny Doolittle deserved to be in the final to give us something to talk about. I think the only thing we have to talk about tomorrow morning is if we can expect a Clarkson-like breakdown at tomorrow night's announcement that Jordin Sparks is the American Idol. And it's not even that Blake's shittiness helped make a mediocre night for Jordin a little brighter. She killed it. All three songs were great. I was like WTF when Ryan said she'd be doing Christina Aguilera's "Fighter" but I think Jordin wanted to make up for her awkward attempts at non-ballads thus far this season, and she showed she can do more than just pageant performances. And then she blasted us away with the Martina McBride song. Ok, I will say she needs to learn how to move more than just anything above her shoulders. She's so immobile, but when they close-up on her face, she looks like she's so into it. Move a little!

The final song, which will go down with the other cheesy finalist singles ("A Moment Like This," "I Believe," and that weird one Carrie Underwood did about being inside your love or something), was as cheesy and melodramatic as it should be. Jordin delivered the performance we have come to expect from American Idol finalists. Blake could've fooled me into thinking this was the top 32 show and he was vying for a spot in the top 12.

I might not have been watching all season, but I think I tuned in right as it got good. I didn't have to sit through Shitjaya. I was beginning to think this season would be a complete waste of time. And until last week, I was thinking that I was so wrong. Then Melinda got booted. Yet, I think even though this final was completely one-sided, it did show that Jordin is the most deserving of the title of those singers that are left.

Blake never stood a chance.

2007-05-22T17:30:00.000-05:00

- I recently purchased Archer Farm's jalapeno savory pretzels. I was convinced that they would simply be tasty, rather than insanely hot and they also leave you with a disgusting taste in your mouth that lasts over night. Barf. I hope the buffalo wing-flavored bag I also bought leave a better taste in my mouth. I imagine they won't.

- I didn't comment on last week's American Idol for several reasons. First, I can't remember if I watched it live or if I had to download it to watch it. For some reason, there was a delay and I wasn't motivated to catch up after watching Wednesday's results show. Second, Melinda was voted off. Yes, I have said she wouldn't win because grannys aren't American Idols. However, the fact that Blake is in the final two over Melinda kind of makes me ill. If he beatboxes over anything on tonight's finals show, I...probably will just complain about it. Here's to a Jordin Sparks win.

- Apparently John Mayer and Jessica Simpson have broken up. Why is this news that people care about? With MSNBC, CBS, and FoxNews all featuring stories on this non-event, it seems that someone out there cares. I think our attention is better served in caring about and attempting to explain this.

- Bleh. I don't have much else to say. The job has me working 36 hours this week when I asked for 15-25. Not sure what that's about. Combine that with the summer class, and this week is kind of insane. I'm ready for it to be over. Geez.

Sountrack of my life, aka procrastion

2007-05-14T00:19:00.000-05:00

Put your iTunes or iPod or whatever on shuffle, then hit next whenever you get to a new question. Don't screw up the order or anything then it's not as cool.

1.What does next year have in store for me?
Salt N Pepa - R U Ready?
- The title works. The song, not so much.

2.What does my love life look like?
Beyonce - Green Light
- The first line is, "Give it to Mama." Hmm.

3.What do I say when life gets tough?
Beyonce - Be With You
- This does not fit, at all.

4.What do I think of when I get up in the morning?
Beverley Knight - Shape of You
- This thing is kind of dumb.

5.What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Ray Charles - (Night Time) Is The Right Time
- Now this, this could actually happen.

6.What do I want as a career?
The Killers - When You Were Young
- Does this mean I will make toys or something? Or that my career will be something I wanted a while ago? See number four.

7.My favorite saying?
Foo Fighters - Best of You
- This kind of works.

8.Favorite place?
Kylie Minogue - Spinning Around
- This does not. This also makes me kind of ashamed.

9.What do I think of my parents?
Tegan and Sara - I Know I Know I Know
- I don't know this song, even though it's on my iPod.

10.Where would I go on a first date?
Mariah Carey feat. Jay-Z & Young Jeezy - Shake It Off (Remix)
- Don't even know.

11.Drug of choice?
The Buffseeds - Sparkle Me
- I don't get this one, neither the title nor the song.

12.Describe myself.
The Killers - Who Let You Go
- See number 9.

13.What is the thing I like doing most?
Jay-Z - Big Pimpin (no lie!)
- Between this and Ray Charles, these are the two that are either most accurate or most hilarious.

14.The song that best describes the president?
Coldplay - White Shadows
- Uh. Ok.

15.What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Basement Jaxx - Jus 1 Kiss
- Not sure.

16.How will I die?
Jay-Z - Public Service Announcement
- "Allow me to reintroduce myself."

17.The song that will be played at my funeral?
Prince - Adore
- "I reeeeally adooorrrrrrre you!"

18. The feeling I get when I am stressed?
Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone
- I will be honest when saying this song has been cued when some rocking out is necessary. Don't tell anyone.

19. What do I think of when driving to school?
Destiny's Child - Soldier
- Oook.

20. The song to ultimately describe my life?
The Fray - Dead Wrong
- I think my music selection sucks.

American Bee-Gees

2007-05-08T21:24:00.000-05:00

This week sucked. Everyone was bad.

Blake should never beat-box ever again. Also, the new streak looks like he's channeling Kelly Clarkson circa 200-whenever the first American Idol was on. Stop doing things to your head, dude.

Lakisha is also kind of done. I liken her to a Fantasia wannabe, and that's not really saying a whole lot. She can sometimes sound pretty good, but most times she sounds like that loud lady at church who can sing, but needs to bring the volume down by a million. Or simply be taken to the cry room with the other screamers.

I am convinced that Melinda is someone's mom. She drives a minivan back and forth from the show, and likes tapered jeans. She can sing, but she's got to look and at least seem more young. My grandma loves some AI, so she might buy a CD from Melinda. But my grandma is/was a Clay Aiken fan, so I don't know if she really knows what good singing sounds like. Or at least what good music looks like (I know it's music, but come on, Clay knows no style, which by the way reminds me of this).

Jordin. Jordin. Jordin. I think she takes turns with Melinda when dropping off the kids at soccer practice, and she's 17. Wow. Granny city. She can sing, but she also has that kind of Carmen Rasumussen-thing, like she's got a sheep in her throat, going on. She killed it on the first song, the second song not so much.

Why pick the Bee-Gees as an entire week? There are so many other great songs out there for these fools to sing, and you pick them. I do like that Blake re-arranged whatever the second song was that he did. I'd like to see more of that because otherwise these folks will not move beyond simply copying other folks' performances. Bon Jovi week was hot for Lakisha, but dang, I think she's toast. Blake will be around because America loves white dudes, and American Idol contestants who are androgynous (see all the dudes from Season 1). He'll be gone next week though as long as Melinda and Jordin at least show up for one song. If Blake wins, it's a bit like if Justin Guarini had won: a huge mistake. That's why Kelly won, and why Blake will lose. Yup.

Just breathe...

2007-05-03T17:49:00.000-05:00

- Finished my first year of grad school. It doesn't seem over yet. I start a summer school class on Monday. I think that may have something to do with it.

- My apartment is a serious mess. And I am too tired to clean it. But I must clean because I think all the movement of the dust has reactivated my allergies. I need the dust gone!

- I. do. not. want. to. go. to. school on Monday. Let me get a break! I don't think I'm going to do anything school related between now and then.

- I went to the gym today, but I don't know if I can justify ordering a pizza two days in one week. Even though I want one real bad.

- I'm trying to quit caffeine cold turkey. I've had some kind of soda each day since "I gave it up." I like to think I'm giving myself a kind of nicotine patch kind of thing, weening myself slowly off of it. But dang, I am kind of wiped out right now and I got lots o cleaning to do. No coffee!

- Don't know if I've said this, but I really like Ne-yo's new album. I hate the name "Ne-yo", but man can sing.

- Ugh, the pile of papers is calling me. Peace.

Edit:

- I may have taken to watching American Idol again. I am glad Chris and ol Baldy (I know he's not bald here, but he looks kind of funny) are gone now. Is it wrong to think he looks both like Boy George and "Powder"? And Chris. Like a broke Justin Timberlake. And he knows it. Oh well, we knew these two weren't going to win. How about Melinda? She can sing, but she also reminds me of someone's mom. Oooh, and I also think most of these folks could be the American Idol if they all got a bit of orthdontic work. Jordin. She's good, but dang, why "Livin On a Prayer"? Whhy!? I think that one should be left to kareoke and strip clubs (...or something not her). Am I the only one who thinks she also kind of looks like America Ferrera?

Who knows who is going to win. I don't think it will be Blake. He also reminds me of a broke JT, not in looks but in his wannabe dance moves, but with maybe some of that dude from "So You Think You Can Dance." Not that I ever watched that show. The beatboxing was pretty cool, but also kind of weird. Do you think Ruben or Carrie Underwood would stoop to such gimmicks? We'll see what happens next week.

American Idol - Latin Night

2007-04-10T19:47:00.000-05:00

- There are other artists than Gloria Estefan and Santana--who, by the way, has more songs than those found on "Supernatural". Lorrd.

- Is it me or do all the guys think they're Justin Timberlake? Even he looks dumb in those fedoras your grandma wears.

- Jennifer Lopez, as the voice of latin music? What? Santana would be a better choice. Shakira, for godssakes, would've been better. We know the 'Lo is using this to tie into her recently released, slowly selling spanish language album, but c'mon, she is not the one I would want representing for latin music. I think it's a bit like having, say, Arethra Franklin on for opera day because she once sang a song in latin at the Grammy's (Nessun Dorma, fools).

- Speaking of fools, send Sanjaya's ass home. He looks like he's a long lost Debarge brother, and that is not a good thing. And the facial hair...? When you're sent home tomorrow, make sure to steal some razors from the house! I think it's a bit like when they kept Nikki McKibben and Justin Guarini on til the very end during season 1. This is a weird, weird thing. America is on crack.

2007-04-07T15:02:00.000-05:00

- Is it wrong that I was turned off by a craiglist ad for an apartment because the grammar and spelling was bad? For some reason, I can't give my money to someone who spells neighborhood with a "u".

- I spent $16 on Chinese food last night, for one person. I have a ton left over, but it's not very good. In fact, I woke up with the taste from last night still lingering in my mouth. Gross.

- Regardless of what critics are saying, Timbaland's new album is hot.

- I don't know how I feel about being friends with professors on Facebook. Is that kind of weird, even if I'm not an undergrad? I feel like all of a sudden they're going to find out I drink or that I like Purple Rain and stop liking me. I'm not sure why I would care, because Prince is the bomb.

- I can't figure out my stats homework, so I'm going to go print off some articles, get some Starbucks, and buy season 2 of Entourage. I just bought season 1 like Wednesday--it's eight episodes (wtf). It's a kind of fun show.

- Bleh, I don't feel like doing anything. And it's so cold here, inside and out. I really should get moving. Peace out.

- Oh, check out the new labeling feature. I think I'm becoming anal about it, as I have categories for nearly everything. All to make it easier for you, my three readers!

Rando.

2007-03-28T17:52:00.000-05:00

I just realized I hadn't updated in March. My bad. I haven't been good about keeping up with a lot of what's going on outside of school--it's been a long month!

Anyway, random list:

- Saw Justin Timberlake in concert. He's pretty awesome. The sound was a bit off, so his falsetto made my ears bleed a little. But the show was the bomb.

- Timbaland's new album is the album of the year, thus far. I haven't stopped playing it. Get it when it comes out (next week maybe?).

- Wasn't the whole is-Meredith-dead-or-not thing kind of stupid?

- I might actually have all my laundry done by the end of the week. Some of that stuff has been there since, well, a long ass time.

- Everyone's on Robin Thicke's face right now. Yeah, he's pretty good, but also kind of boring. Check out Jamie Lidell for some white-boy, not-JT soul music.

- I don't know if folks read Vibe or not, but I've been a subscriber for a while. I have hated the magazine since Danyel Smith took over as editor. The layouts suck, the articles suck, the editorials suck. It's not fun to read or look at anymore. Bring back Mimi Valdes!

- I really should be reading right now, so I'm going to do that. I have to write test questions for class tomorrow. Kind of lame, but it would be less lame if I hadn't waited until the night before and really don't feel like doing it.

Peace out.

Update.

2007-02-23T23:06:00.000-06:00

- Meredith didn't die. I told you.
- I have eaten almost two boxes of popsicles this week. Only a problem because it's sugar water and not really nutricious. At all.
- I think I may want to get a dog. But I would prefer one that could take itself out when it has to poop.
- I am now freezing because of said popsicle eating.

Grey's Anatomy

2007-02-15T21:10:00.000-06:00

If Meredith dies, I may never watch this show again. I'm not her biggest fan, but she is the glue that holds it all together. I will be very, very disappointed and sad if they kill her off. It could be suicide for the show, whether people like her or not...

Edit:

Ok, I've been thinking. I read what Shonda Rhimes wrote in response to last week's episode. Long story short, the little girl is a metaphor for Meredith. Lost without her mom. This episode, her mom finds her. I say for next week, Ellis gets lucid again, fixes Meredith and brings her back to life, they reconcile, then Ellis dies.

To carry out the metaphor started in the first episode and carried through the second, Ellis has to rescue Meredith. Ellis is still in the hospital, kind of drugged up, but there. They can't leave Meredith hanging with all that shitty talk that went down between the two of them. Have you seen how affected she was!? Shonda says she killed Denny, and she killed the bomb squad guy. Both who were "important" but not central characters. It's not "Denny's Anatomy" for pete's sake! I say Shonda kills Ellis, who is important, is a Grey, but not the Grey.

I swear, if she kills Meredith...this isn't "Lost", where folks are expendable. It wasn't "Ana Lucia's Lost"! If Meredith dies, this show is over. I'm calling it now!

It's (almost) the first of the month

2007-01-31T17:13:00.000-06:00

Dude, must pay rent tomorrow. I hate bills.

If you've been with me for a while, you know I always have kind of insane things happen, particularly in the bathroom. Yesterday this happened. So I'm sitting there, doing my thing. I got kind of bored, so I bust out my phone and start playing Tetris. Then I realize I've been in there for like ten minutes. But I didn't realize this until some other guy had come on. And proceeded to take either the longest piss ever or wash his entire body in the sink. So I'm just sitting there, waiting to leave.

I had been in there a while, so I knew it was time to go. So washer/long piss man's doing his thing, and this other guy comes in and they start chatting it up. Meanwhile, I realize there might be a faint hint of an odor in the bathroom, and there's only one person who it can be attributed to. Realizing this, I figure it would be best to just stay in the stall until those folks leave.

So then one of them leaves, and another guy comes in. And whoever else is left begins talking. Ugh. I need to get out of here! Why did I decide it'd be cool to play Tetris in the bathroom!? At this point, I'm like, we all take shits. I have to leave now. Oh, the guy at the urinal apparently is super regular, as was his friend. They talked about how they only ever see each other in the bathroom, even when they are on leave. Do they not realize how weird that is? This coming from take-a- shit-tris man.

I end up leaving, but not without feeling a little weird. Tetris is seriously one of the most insane games, ever.

Anyway, there was this one song that was featured in a ton of the spring fashion shows that's super catchy and I just found out what it is, Peter Bjorn & John, "Young People." You must get it. Oh, and Eight Legs' "These Grey Days". Those are getting major play here with me.

2007-01-06T23:26:00.000-06:00

I'm pretty sure a rhinocerous is dying outside my apartment.

Or the asshole below me has done something weird to his entirely too fucking loud stereo that was vibrating my table this morning (he sometimes like to having a party at 8am, too...at least his music is). If he weren't so serial-killer-like, I would say something. He, and the rhinocerous, kind of scare me.

Not so dirrty.

2007-01-04T01:37:00.000-06:00

I just finished watching Courtney Cox-Arquette’s new show, “Dirt.” It kind of sucks. The premise is cool: the behind-the-scenes of a tabloid. For some reason, I think with this comes the expectation that Lucy Spiller, CCA’s character, should be a kind of bitch. The fact that she wasn’t left me kind of uncomfortable—aren’t tabloid editors supposed to be cutthroat and evil? One of the celebs she used as a source was involved in a car accident, and Lucy was crying. This is not evil! Why wasn’t she pushing to the front of the crime scene like we would expect a paparazzo to do? Aren’t they sick, sad people?

Perhaps Lucy is not supposed to be one of those creepy guys we saw on all those E shows about celebrities gone bad with paparazzi. As the editor of the magazine, I think all the real dirty work is left for the actual photographers. Here, the only photog we see is a truly creepy man—his creepiness is associated with his mild case of schizophrenia. So that’s why all the paparazzi are insane, mental illness? I read in another review of this show that this guy’s storyline was the only thing driving the show. I think it only added to the list of questions!

And, um, why was everything black or red? If you’re going to use devil colors, let that bitch be evil! I don’t think Satan cries every time somebody dies! We have this assumption, and one that I am not yet able to let go of, that the folks behind tabloids are in fact soulless, but Lucy and even the schizo-photographer seem to be, well, not. They are certainly not soulful, as evidenced by the photographer’s setting up of the sad out-of-work-I-am-only-at-this-premiere-because-my-girlfriend-is-in-the-movie actor to get him pissed to get his enraged-self on camera. I am so confused by this show!

I don’t know if I don’t like it, but right now, I know I don’t quite like it yet. Should I waste another hour and watch next week’s episode? Part of me expects CCA to pull a Monica and mess everything up, which would kind of make me happy because the Friends CCA was a bit neurotic and crazy—something that Dirt CCA is missing. Get crazy, or be the tabloid with a heart. The show needs to choose one because I can’t keep asking questions every week. I need answers!

I must saw, however, that Courtney is looking mighty fine in this first episode. Wow.

Best of Oh Six

2007-01-01T02:03:00.000-06:00

I started doing the whole list thing earlier today, and then I kind of forgot about it. The music lists are complete. The other...not so much! Check out what I have. Since it's now officially 2007, I don't think finishing this makes much sense. Yeah for a new year!

My Favorite Albums of 2006:
- Arctic Monkeys “Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not”
- Beyonce “B-Day”
- Danity Kane “Danity Kane”
- The Fray “How To Save A Life”
- Jamie Lidell “Multiply”
- John Mayer “Continuum”
- Junior Boys “So This Is Goodbye”
- Justin Timberlake “Future Sex/Love Sound”
- Marie Antoinette soundtrack

My Favorite Tracks of 2006:
- Justin Timberlake feat. T.I. “My Love”
- Ciara “Promise”
- Diddy feat. Keyshia Cole “Last Night”
- Monica feat. Swizz Beats “Raw”
- Beyonce “Get Me Bodied”
- Amerie “Lose Control”
- Yung Joc “It’s Goin Down”
- Cassie “Me & U”
- T.I. “Why You Wanna”
- Janet feat. Khia “So Excited”
- Clipse “Mr. Me Too”
- Junior Boys “In The Morning”
- Dixie Chicks “Easy Silence”
- The Fray “All At Once”
- Corrine Bailey Rae “Like A Star”

My Favorite Things of 2006:
- Rockstar Juiced
- Coke C2
- Thomas Rochon “Culture Moves”
- Tower’s going out of business sale
- Grey’s Anatomy
- Ugly Betty

As it turns out, I like many rock albums and many hip-hop/r&b singles. Never really rock singles or hip-hop albums. If you were to buy one album from 2006, let it be Justin Timberlake's. I think I wrote earlier this fall about it. It really is that good. Ok, and if not his, John Mayer's. Actually, I recommend Mayer's first album, "Room For Squares". And honestly, that one got much more play this year. But because I was trying to be all 2006 about it, I didn't feel like something released years ago counted.

Here's to making this year better than last. And not spending New Year's watching freaky movies ("The Talented Mr. Ripley" is weird...I don't know how I feel about it). I also hope to have more time for fully developed stories of funny shit that happens. But, even short little bursts of bulletedness are nice (and they are also efficient for everyone!). Ok, I'm going to go sit around some more. Shout-out to all the new folks checking this out--yeah Brazil and Iran!

2006-12-10T23:47:00.000-06:00

Basically, surveys are kind of lame. I only did one because procrastination is the devil.

Why is it I know people who are getting married!? It totally weirds me out.

Um.

2006-11-30T17:23:00.000-06:00

So it's like super hot here in the apartment. Ok, really, like 72. But I'm near sweating. So I throw on the air conditioning. Then I look at weather.com. It's supposed to be in the 40's tomorrow. And I'm like, wtf!? It's so hot, but it's going to be freezing tomorrow. I don't get it. If I get sick, well, there's always orange/tangerine juice.

I went to this thing yesterday that this professor was doing. I had met with him back in the spring. He didn't know who I was when I came into the room. That's cool. Then, he asks me if I read the paper. I told him, no, not today. He said, nooo, the paper I wrote. Like, we were there to discuss this paper he wrote and I'm talking about USA Today or something. I was kind of embarrassed. I didn't say anything the whole rest of the time. He doesn't know who I am anyway.

I ended up deleting the link to solitaire off the start menu. However, that didn't delete it off of my computer. I found it today. I played like four games and x'ed it out. Something needs to be done about that game. And it's not like it's even that cool. I don't get it!

I'm here procrastinating again. I should go work. Or make spaghetti.

Brick by brick - random

2006-11-28T22:35:00.000-06:00

- Ciara's "Evolution" looks to be the album Janet meant to make when she did "20Y.O.". It comes out next Tuesday.

- Time for a clean slate. Not hating, just doing what needs to be done.

- "Casino Royale" is also bangin.

- I grilled a steak tonight on the George. It tasted alright. I definitely like regular, old grills, but this was pretty good. I think I need a better cut of meat next time. This is why I cook chicken, fa sho.

- Tower's going out of business. And they're still taking my damn money! I will not go back, I swear! But on the real, who wouldn't want Eve's first album for like $5? Yeah, me either. I put it back.

- I wore white socks with my dressy shoes today. I felt like Michael Jackson. Don't do this, it'll make you super self-conscious, or it'll make you wish you had kept the sneakers on.

I'm out. I got clothes to iron.

Things I'm Diggin

2006-11-21T11:34:00.000-06:00

As a means of procrastination, I present you a list of things I am currently into:

- Orange/tangerine juice. This juice is the stuff!
- Cotton sheets. Because the 90% polyester ones just are not comfortable.
- Corinne Bailey Rae's whole album. She's got a kind of weird voice, but her songs are really good.
- Not writing my papers. Who likes to do work?
- Top Chef. I really like watching people make food. And talk shit. Damn reality television.
- Peter Guralnick's "Sweet Soul Music". I am reading this for my papers, but I've found I enjoy it more when I don't think of it that way. It's good.
- The "Marie Antoinette" soundtrack. Really good mix of classical, 80s new wave and some more recent stuff.
- Moloko's "The Time Is Now." This song is just kind of hot. Not really sure why.

This list ended up being really lame. I think it speaks to my own lameness. I need to go write. Ugh.

The freaking truth!

2006-11-06T18:36:00.000-06:00

POP LIFE: THE JOKE'S ON US
How can any comedian get as famous as Dane Cook has with no jokes?
ROB SHEFFIELD

Taylor Dayne. Cookie Monster. The Great Dane next door. Cooke City, Montana. A prune Danish. The Bugs Bunny cartoon that goes, "Cook! Where's my hasenpfeffer?" This is just a partial list of things that are funnier than Dane Cook, but let's stop here or we could go on all day, like one of Dane's monologues. Yeah, we get it: the world's hottest comedian, a success story, the MySpace generation, blah to the blah, but where are the fucking jokes? Dane, did you bring any jokes at all? Or did you just figure you'd think of some after you got famous? His success is his whole story, with his hit album Retaliation, his HBO special Vicious Circle, his Jessica Simpson comedy Employee of the Month. But when does the funny start? How can any comedian get this famous with no jokes? It's like he's a lovable character Will Ferrell made up for an upcoming media-prank comedy, Funnyguy: The Legend of Dane Cook.

Tune in to Dane, and you'll hear old "ya ever notice?" gags you thought would never walk again. You will learn about airports, driving, the ways women are different from men (they cry!), and how people call you "pal" when they're not your pal. "Why are we still requesting people say 'cheese'?" Dane asks. "Was there a time in history when like, photography and cheese were like, the shit?" The best line on Retaliation goes, "He was hit by a Dodge, which I found funny and ironic." I can't wait to figure out which old Emo Philips record that one comes from.

Other comics resent him, not so much for success as for biting routines from Louis C.K. and still not being funny. Dane could be reading aloud from Dave Berg's "The Lighter Side of" in Mad magazine, or he could be Animal House if you thought Neidermeyer was the funny one, but it doesn't matter. Either way, he's huge. Go to his Web site, where he earned his rep as a marketing whiz, and you notice there's no comedy, just essays about how hard he's worked. "Great news!!!" he writes. "We already made back our entire budget and now the movie is making a profit. This is great for me and my cast. It has sent a message that I can open a film up against huge competition." Dane, did you wonder if we noticed Employee of the Month was the assest movie Andy Dick's ever been in, and that includes The Hebrew Hammer? We did! In his Danecasts, he doesn't crack jokes; he listens to Coldplay, replies to his New Friend Requests and urges us to go see Employee of the Month. "Thank you for wanting to check in with me," he muses. "Five million people downloading the Danecast, and let me tell you, it's just gonna get better." You're welcome! So -- heard any good jokes lately?

Source: http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/12073063/pop_life_the_jokes_on_us
______________

Gah, I hate Dane Cook. I am glad to find someone else out there who feels this way, too. Stop this fool!

These are my confessions.

2006-11-02T22:28:00.000-06:00

I have a confession. I am one of those weird people who listens to an entire accident message looking for that little bit of something that makes listening through five minutes of rumbling around in your purse worth it. In case that didn’t make sense, you know how sometimes your phone calls people and leaves messages, all because you forgot to key-lock? Well, I tend to listen to those messages. Like the whole thing. Is that strange?

Anyway, I am on Facebook. I do not understand why people insist on changing things on there as soon as they change in real-life. Why is it everybody’s business that you are currently wasting time in class? What I really love is that you can tell, to the minute many times, of when people break up, take a break, or get together. Why bother even including that stuff? It’s creepy to me that as soon as some shit goes down, they run to their computers to update that their life is on the rocks. Don’t go to Facebook. Go to Charter man!

I have a problem of buying things without needing them. Often, I take them back because I feel bad because I often already own what it is that I bought, but maybe it’s a different color. Tonight, I bought three new CDs. Tower’s going out of business! And I had intended on making full use of their “sales”. Who am I kidding, these are not sales. Calling it a sale is to sucker in fools like me to waste money on their not-even-cheap-when-they’re-on-sale music. I was talking to my mom about it, and trying to justify it, she said, “When was the last time you bought yourself something anyway?” My reply: “I bought two CDs last week, too.” This “sale” could also be called Tower’s going out of business sucker slaughter.

The things here is that they aren’t doing refunds or returns—all sales are final! And it’s killing me because I have to keep these things. Luckily however, they are things I really like. Other than the fact that Aretha’s greatest hits doesn’t include, “Ain’t No Way.” That is really a travesty, but also evidence of my goofy and hasty buying style. I just pray I can stay away long enough that I do not take food out of my own mouth in the name of buying the last copy of Bjork’s greatest hits!

Rando-m.

2006-10-30T00:04:00.000-06:00

1. If people continue to not cite their sources, I will turn all of them in to whatever kind of honor folks there are on campus. And not because I'm an asshole, but because I'm so sick of writing, "Cite!" and then a paragraph at the end about why it's all so necessary. Where did these kids go to school!?

2. I made a pan of brownies last night. I have eaten like 2/3 of them. But, I looked at the nutritional facts and they're not nearly as bad as I thought. But still, that's kind of a shitload. I do not need sweets up in the house.

3. Texting. Some lady I was talking to the other day was telling me entirely too much information regarding her life. In this conversation, she told me all these things she was telling, and I'll quote, her "baby daddy". She was saying all kinds of things. Through text messages. You don't tell somebody you care about them deeply and shit through a text message. What about your thumbs!? I would be more concerned with carpal tunnel or something, and come on, call the damn fool up! That takes like three button pushes as opposed to the 57 million she must have had because she was using long as hell sentences that must've taken forever to thumb type. On her phone.

4. Don't ever buy thigh meat instead of breast meat. It's got all kinds of fat on it, and the George Foreman doesn't cook it very well. And it sometimes doesn't taste good. But that also could've been the ranch dressing I put on it. I ran out of barbeque sauce, and thought it might taste good. I think in theory it did, but not so much in my mouth.

5. I am still so frustrated with these students. Like I want to shake them and tell them to get over themselves. They cannot write! I can only hope that in the speed and frustration that I used to write this whole thing doesn't end up making me look like a fool because I don't feel like spell-checking! Because I am not going to let that happen, I ran a spell-check. See, and all this is is a freaking blog post, not a paper. For a grade! Gah!

Seriously. Like for real?

2006-10-22T17:16:00.000-05:00

Check this link.

Is this real? Am I really watching this?

Wow.

2006-09-28T23:08:00.000-05:00

I have found 2006's twin to Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone". Check out Hellgoodbye's "Here (In Your Arms)". Pop perfection. Like it makes you want to turn it up and loud and jump around. Not that I've done either. I did, however, do a dance in the chair here at the computer. This song is kind of the jam. Check it out.

They call me Zach Braff

2006-09-14T23:40:00.000-05:00

This man gets all kinds of attention because he made a mix CD a hit soundtrack (see "Garden State"). I had to make a CD because I needed two songs on there for a class, so I took it upon myself to one-up Mr. Braff. Here is "Randomix 1":

1. Public Enemy - Fight The Power
2. Rocky Volotato - White Daisy Passing
3. Filter - Take A Picture
4. Justin Timberlake feat. T.I. - My Love
5. S.O.U.L.S.Y.S.T.E.M. - It's Gonna Be a Lovely Day
6. Aaliyah - Rock The Boat
7. John Mayer - Vultures
8. Mew - Special
9. World Party - What Does It Mean Now?
10. Babyshambles - The Man Who Came To Stay
11. Sound Team - Your Eyes Are Liars
12. Lenny Kravitz - Where Are We Runnin
13. Gisli - Straight To Hell
14. John Mellencamp - Hurts So Good
15. Coldplay - Low
16. Junior Boys - In The Morning
17. Beyonce - Green Light

Now, if that doesn't get the party jumpin, then you must not have a funky bone. Really, it's a bunch of songs I've listened to lately and/or wanted to listen to. Yeah!

* Edit - Turns out, this damn CD didn't even have the two songs on it that I needed! So I had to waste another CD to get them on there. Oh well.

Lost

2006-09-10T03:23:00.000-05:00

I must say "Lost" is the MOST. INSANE. SHOW. EVER.

I cannot watch it before I go to bed because it is too stimulating. And it makes me want to keep watching more. So here it is, 3:17am and I've watched four episodes when I meant to only watch one. And I still don't know what happened!

This show could either go on forever or end soon. I want to know everything, like right now, but ABC wouldn't be too happy. Argh! To watch or go to sleep, that is not really the question.

Good night!

Girls Dem Suga

2006-09-09T22:29:00.000-05:00

I am going to go ahead and admit it. I bought Danity Kane’s album. And I enjoy it, and I don’t really feel bad about it. Ok, I did feel bad about buying it. The lady at Target told me I was the fifth person to buy it since she had been there. I smiled, avoided eye contact, and tried to make up something about how it was a gift. I don’t know if it’s because the show was kind of compelling, or because the production on this album is pretty hott (Puff should’ve done better for Da Band, as their album sucked...or could it be that half of Brooklyn was a member of the group? Gah, there's like 27 people in there). Either way, the lyrics are stupid, but they can sing and Timbaland produced some tracks. Download it if you’re ashamed to go out and buy it.

In other music news, the new Justin Timberlake album is nice. I’ve been a fan of his since his first one (ok, and perhaps since NSync…their stuff is mad infectious, something I am weak to), so I was looking forward to this one. Despite his admissions of drug use and what not, it’s like Michael Jackson: whatever you do in your spare time does not make me listen to you differently. Timbaland does nearly all the production, save one track from Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas. I like Tim, but an entire album of his productions tend to sound the same (read monotonous), so the Will track is kind of a relief. I can only hear “Cry Me a River” so many times (I swear like three songs kinda sound like it on the new one). And I do miss the Neptunes this time around. Now this sounds like I don’t like the album, but I really do. For whatever reason, I don’t know if Justin will get my $10 his first week out. I cannot explain why I drove to like four different stores looking for DK’s album. Crack is wack. Anyway, check this one, too.

Simply as a cultural observation, is anybody else aware it’s Fashion Week in New York? I find it kind of interesting that what we’ll see at the mall (well, probably not, because I don’t normally have the Gucci store near anything with “old” or “navy” in the title) we're seeing like six months before. Now that I think about it, it does kind make sense. Anyway, it’s like a big deal, this fashion week thing. All kinds of folks are into it, and by all kinds I mean like Puff. It would be so cool to have his job. Anyway, it’s funny to read what folks say about the clothes and other people. I think I am feeding into all the celebrity-wannabe-itis that is plaguing America. Hey, I don’t read US Weekly, so I can’t be that bad.

I think I may be getting used to living here. It finally stopped raining, and it’s starting to cool off. I’ll be glad when it’s gets cooler though. Hot weather is cool (let me use this word for the 3,764 time) during like June or July, and then I kinda don’t like it much. So bring on the coolness.

Ah, I do not condone stealing, but I download mad music (if you read this, you know this). One more album I recently downloaded was the new John Mayer. It is really good. He doesn’t get the full kind of review as the other folks, but it’s equally worth checking out.

I don’t really know what else to say. So be safe, take care of each other. And eventually pay for music at some point!

In writing this, I had to add Timbaland, hott, and wack to Word’s dictionary. Apparently, Word is not as fly as Webster’s.

I don't argue like this with anyone but you

2006-08-31T22:30:00.000-05:00

The traffic here never stops. For anything. Ever. I just want to get home! I don’t live that far, but it takes like an hour for me to get home everyday. Folks need to be nice, let people over, don’t go so fast that other people have to sit there. And damn man, a little rain never hurt anyone, so don’t let it slow you down to like ten miles per hour—it’s not going to burn holes through your windows!

I think flirty waitresses/bartenders are gonna be the death of me. I swear, if you’re nice to me and kinda cute, I will end up spending too much money. I’m a glutton for attention. Or my bills are just telling me I’m a glutton!

My apartment is kind of the bomb. The dude below me likes to blast his “Brown Eyed Girl” with the bass all kinds of turned up, but it’s only on the weekends during the day, but other than that, it’s a great place.

I got mad lost today. I thought I’d take a short short-cut to get to the highway more quickly. Well, I got on the highway going the wrong direction, which was you know, wrong. I ended up going back downtown and got kinda twisted around down there. Homeless people are not shameless here. They will straight up walk around with their beer. But they tend to carry it in plastic bags. I swear this man was going to lose his twelve pack if he didn’t watch it!

Completely random post, I know.

Ring the alarm!

2006-08-14T21:19:00.000-05:00

Since moving, it has rained everyday. There was some sun today and then a random shower this afternoon. The rain does keep the heat away, but rain also kinda sucks.

Don’t tell anyone, but I may be listening to Danity Kane’s new album and I might be liking some of the songs. I have a fork ready for you to take to my ears.

Everyone here has a serious case of road rage. Folks are laying on the horn for hours because somebody else didn’t slam the gas the second the light turned green. Everyone drives hyper-fast and gets angry when you, too, are not going eighty-seven miles per hour. I do not feel safe sometimes driving. The other day, I was wanting to make a left turn. The light that was in control of the lanes I was wanting to cross was taking forever and there were mad cars waiting for the light to change. So I go to cross in front of this one dude, who let like thirty-five cars cross in front of him. I cross and he gives me the look of evil death. I thought he was going to stab me. Folks be crazy!

The time zone difference is also kind of throwing a wrench in my regular schedule. Everything’s an hour behind. You don’t realize how different it is until you want to watch Wheel of Fortune at seven and instead Wife Swap is on. Speaking of which, that show kind of frustrates me. I don’t get how militaristic some of those wives really are. Insane!

Oh, by the way, I see you reading my blog. If you’re not allowed to be my friend, you shouldn’t be allowed to keep up with my blog either. Just a thought.

Dear Justin Timberlake,

2006-07-20T23:12:00.000-05:00

I know we have never spoken, but I have known whom you are for quite awhile. I remember back when you had the curly fro and jammed out on the Mickey Mouse Club. Not that I have followed your career. I’ll be honest, however, you and the boys of N’Sync made some infectious music that has found its way onto my otherwise totally hip ipod (ok, I’m lying—I have a soft spot for Paris Hilton’s “Stars Are Blind”). Anyway, I really enjoyed “Justified”. And let’s face it, the Neptunes and Timbaland are amazing and they wrote you some hot songs. All that said, I heard about the new album coming and I got a bit excited. Especially since you’re back with Tim.

All that was good until I heard the strange “Sexyback”. I can’t decide if I like it or hate it. What is it supposed to sound like? And speaking of the Neptunes, did you mean to rip off Pharrell’s vocal style? It sounds like it could’ve been home on the ‘Tunes “Clones” album. Is it a mix of Missy Elliot’s “Lose Control” or “4 My People” that got you inspired? Justin, the thing about those songs is that they had identifiable hooks, verses, choruses, etc. Your new one sounds like a jumbled mess and only at times is it sonically pleasing. However, it does kind of make me want to dance, so I guess there is some hope for it. Can you please just make sure that the next one is better?

Speaking of the new album, I heard you were overseas promoting it and testing out some new songs. Along with tours comes promotional interviews, and ultimately this is what I want to address. Why announce to the world that you do drugs? You’re not a badass. And the public only finds you mildly interesting because you date Cameron Diaz, you once dated Britney Spears, and you were the guy who got off clean when you ripped off Janet Jackson’s bra. Dude, seriously, you do drugs? Ok. Cool. Thanks for the update. But why make an official-like announcement?

I can’t exactly relate to sniffing things, but yeah, we all get drunk sometimes. It may be cool to be drunk, but it’s something else to talk about it. The kids who would come to school Monday morning to rehash (no pun intended you pothead you) their weekend’s drunken debauchery were kind of cool, but we all really thought they were losers because their alcoholism became the content of every conversation. It’s like spending conspicuously. We don’t need to see the giant C’s on your Chanel sunglasses—we already you spend a shit-ton on expensive things. We just kind of assume it cost a lot. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, why tell us this?

If anything, it does kind of taint your otherwise spotless career (sans your moment of perversity a.k.a. Janet’s right boob). Do you know what people think of Pete Doherty? Or Whitney Houston? They do drugs, too man. Want to be like them? Telling us you sniff things and that heroine is less addictive than nicotine kind of gets you started on the path that Houston and Doherty have taken. Whitney’s only ever been caught with weed, so she too does her drugs in private. Maybe you guys could get high together? When your album bombs and you need Diane Sawyer and Dateline to set the record straight, and you ramble on about how dealers don’t have receipts for the $500,000 dollars worth of drugs you were purported to have purchased, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Dude, I really do hope that all these drugs are not a real issue for you. They are not cool and kind of illegal. You getting arrested would kind of hurt you, but really, it would be like seeing Suzanne Somers get arrested—we’d just kind of shake our heads in disappointment and wait for the E! True Hollywood story.

You telling us about your drug habit only makes me question who you have working for you that told you that it was a good idea. Maybe you guys share the same syringe.

Lay off the drugs and keep rockin our bodies man! We need folks like you to save us from the onslaught of ridiculousness that is kind of plaguing music right now. You know Cameron will never have your baby the low sperm count your drugs are giving you. You will never be able to sue another tabloid for taking pictures of your babies if you don’t have any!

Think about the money and your life. Do it right man.

Sincerely,
Me

2006-06-28T22:09:00.000-05:00

So, I’ve been gone for a while. I really haven’t had much to say about much of anything. Rather than spill my guts about the retardedness that has pretty much been my life here lately, I have been taking note of things that I could perhaps wax on. At any rate, I think I finally have something to write about. And the writing bug has been biting lately, so this is perhaps, my attempt at scratching that itch. That being said, do not expect anything particularly life changing in this post. I really haven’t changed too much!

We’ve all, by now, seen the commercials for Kentucky Fried Chicken’s “Famous Bowls”. I have several points of contention with these “famous” bowls. First, how can something brand new be automatically famous? If you are the Oreck vacuum, then you could be called famous. But it’s taken Mr. Oreck fifty-thousand years to convince people that his eight-pound vacuum really is the shit—so it could be called famous. But these random bowls of random shit found in the fridge takes a little more convincing for me to believe it is “famous”. Which brings me to my next point, whose idea was it to mix all of those things together? Ok, I get it: chicken and potatoes. KFC has been killing it with these two things for years! Add the gravy, and you’ve got your normal bucket of chicken and mashed potatoes in one container. Maybe people really like it all mixed up together anyway? So up to that point, I’m kind of seeing it as being delicious, not famous…yet. And then you had the corn? Three words: What. The. Fuck.

This seems to be a lame attempt at the dish we like to call a casserole. But it really seems like all of this mess is just thrown into this bowl, with no real reason behind it. Like the chicken and potatoes I understand, but the corn kind of baffles me. So while this is kind of confusing, the real kicker is the shredded cheese. Colonel Sanders must be rolling over in his chicken-bucket shaped coffin because this is retarded. It is not even melted cheese—it’s straight out of the Kraft bag and thrown on top of all this confusion. Who thinks all of this stuff would taste good? Ok, I, myself, have not experienced said “Famous Bowl”, but if anything, the above is really reason not to. This brings me back to my first point. How can something that just came out already be famous? Something tells me there was no undercurrent of excitement behind the first “Famous Bowl” put into local KFC’s, so I am a bit confused as to why it is already famous. I could spin in circles about this, but it really does leave me confused.

Now that I think about it, this whole famous bowl tirade is a bit over-the-top. But it does weird me out. I am currently looking at a Coldplay website, and realizing how much I really do love them. I recently attended a Dave Matthews Band concert. I am not really into that kind of music, that kind meaning rock. Or in Dave’s case, a kind of hippie music. The concert was really good, and I am perhaps a fan of the band now. But nobody, I said nobody!, will take the place of Coldplay!

Anyway, I was going to go into this whole story about how I work outside and it has been raining a shit ton here lately and how people still insist on doing things in the rain that would otherwise keep normal, crack-free people inside. But I really don’t have the heart for it. I think you kind of get the drift in the above few sentences.

So, I am currently “researching” for a post to be made later in the summer. Considering like five people read this thing, no one probably cares. But it should be interesting to write. It should be kind of funny. Looking at everything I’ve just written I feel like it’s a bunch of goofiness, but those damn bowls really are dumb!

Nothing comes easily

2006-06-01T23:17:00.000-05:00

I am still alive. I know I haven't written too much recently, but I am really waiting for the stories to tell themselves. Also, the complete lack of writable hilarity and/or crackheadedness has stifled my writing here. There has been some retardness that I could talk about, but I am kind of over those people. I will be back when I have something to say, I suppose.

My thetan is all over the place

2006-05-03T23:44:00.000-05:00

I am making a big move at the end of the summer, so I am currently looking at anything rentable. Houses, apartments, condos, crawlspaces under houses—whatever you want to rent, I will at least take a look. What I have found, however, is that the places that I would most want to live at are also the most expensive. This is different from the places that I would want to live and can afford. The more expensive places do tend to be the nicest ones. Yes, I would like a view of the river. Heck, a view of the downtown glass buildings and smog would be cool, too. But I can’t afford these places.

Why not make awesome places that poor people can afford? Everybody needs lots of sunlight, not just the folks who can afford $2000 a month! This is so random and I can’t think of much more to say, so I’m going to stop. Or in the event of this taking two days to write, continue.

I swear that it doesn’t matter what time of day it is, I always end up trying to go to the bathroom when the cleaning ladies are there. They are never consistent with what times they come in. And I’m like, I have tried to go at all kinds of different times of the morning and you’re still all up in there. I don’t get it. I think they like preventing me from doing my thing. Probably not. But I do always feel goofy when I stick my head out the door to see if they’re there, only to spin back around into my room. Irritating. So now it’s been like twenty minutes and they’re still in there. All I want to do is brush my teeth! I did eventually make it to the bathroom this morning. Only to find that one of the toilet paper dispensers was shoved so tightly with a new roll that you couldn’t even get any out! I like to have lots of toiler paper, but if I can’t get any out, doesn’t it kind of defeat the purpose?

It’s taken me like two days to write this stupid thing, but there’s so much going on that I keep getting distracted. Like tonight, I went to this gathering that one of my professors put on. Two of the folks from my class were asking me questions, and now that I think about it, I don’t know if I answered any of them. And if I did, I don’t think I answered them very clearly. It was kind of bad. I sent an email apologizing for my bullshit. This girl and I have never talked, but I for real feel bad about not answering her. There was just too many people and I was way out of my comfort zone. Like talk about wine and cheese man. I drink beer and eat potato chips. Ok, never actually together, but perhaps you get what I mean. All the folks from my class came dressed rather casually, and some of the other fools were wearing straight up suits! I thought putting on the collared shirt would’ve been a good idea. At least I didn’t look stank from the gym like this one chick. Oh well, we didn’t know! I’m pretty sure we all thought it was for only our class, but it appeared that every class this dude teaches and every organization he’s involved in were also invited. No big deal, but damn it, if there’s gonna be a dresscode, let some fools know!

So I am pretty sure that the root of my distraction was this cute girl I’ve been noticing all semester. I was trying to be witty and fun, but I really do think it’s too little too late. She is kind of hot, too. And I was looking fresh, so I knew I was kind of on tonight. But everything else suffered. What can a cracker do?

I can tell you what I won’t be doing. Kelly Clarkson keeps coming on in my itunes during the shuffle, and I keep changing songs. Leave me alone woman!

Oh, and to all the folks who keep coming to read this, I thank you. I see you out there! Also, the Scientology reference is simply that--a reference. Don't get it twisted, I love Jesus!

Ah man!

2006-04-22T10:19:00.000-05:00

Perhaps I am the only person that cares, but I just listened to the new Damian Marley song with Bobby Brown and I noticed something. Bobby’s voice is not so bad. Even though he only talks out of the corner of his mouth now, and probably still smokes weed to deal with his bipolarism, but his voice isn’t bad. Is he really the one who does fewer drugs than Whitney?

I kind of find this hard to believe, because let’s face it, Whitney was like the queen of music there for a minute during the late 80’s and early 90’s. Like if she sang on it, it was straight platinum. And now, wow, she sucks. In the same way that I am the only one who cares about this, I was the only person who got her last album “Just Whitney” and it was rough. If crack is her drug of choice, it has fucked her up. I do, however, have a problem with the thought that she does more drugs than ol Bobby. He talks about of the corner of his mouth for god’s sakes! He has mad crazy ticks. But he is coherent, which is something that can’t be said for Whitney, “Oh hell to the naw!”

Either way, this new song with Bobby on it is kind of nice to listen to. I just find it hard to believe that Whitney could do more drugs than Bobby. Apparently, she’s messed up her voice, her teeth (she’s rumored to have lost teeth), her face, everything. I feel for her. What about the kid, Bobbi Christina? I wonder what she makes of all of this.

Anyway, this reminds me of all the songs I’m listening to that whoever reads this should check out.

Damian Marley feat. Bobby Brown – Beautiful
Nelly Furtado – No Hay Igual
The Fray – How To Save A Life
Tegan and Sarah – Where Does The Good Go
Ben Lee – Catch My Disease
Mark Joseph – Get Through
Jamie Lidell - Multiply

It seems the music I’ve been listening to lately is a bit influenced by Grey’s Anatomy. They really do have great music. And I feel like it’s about time that I kind of branch out from the stuff I have been listening to. Anyway, check this mess out.

Two lies and a truth

2006-04-19T21:16:00.000-05:00

I am not listening to George Michael's "Freedom" right now.

I am working diligently on one of my two papers due next week.

I am not procrastinating by writing this right now.

Pineapples are the international symbol of hospitality.

2006-04-07T22:40:00.000-05:00

Wow. I’ve already changed my facebook picture like twice. I added pictures and made captions. I am caught up on 8th and Ocean. I just ate a bag of pretzels, and I wasn’t even really hungry.

Tonight is the epitome of boring. Maybe something random will happen. As long as it doesn’t involve knives or yelling, I think I could be down. Part of me wants to organize my itunes. But that seems to be pushing it a bit.

Did I mention that I vacuumed and took out the trash earlier? It’s not even that I am like procrastinating a whole lot. Well, maybe I am. I do have some work to do, but it’s freakin Friday night! I don’t even feel like doing any work. So I have found other mess to do. But now it’s all done. I could dust, but come on! Who does that!? I am not Mr. Clean!

In an effort to make sure this doesn’t happen tomorrow, I already have plans for dinner and am trying to make post-dinner plans. I must get out! I am so bored!

You know, the world must really be coming to its end. “Little People Big World”? What the fuck? “Tuckerville”? I will admit Tanya Tucker’s show is kind of interesting. At this point, I could kill for some “Being Bobby Brown”. Speaking of which, have you heard about everybody praying for Whitney Houston? Apparently, she’s in bad shape. Beyonce and Mary J. Blige have come out and spoken about their concern. I feel like Bobby was kind of together during the show, couldn’t he stage an intervention? Like everybody knows she’s cracking out. Somebody needs to help her out.

See what I’m saying, I’ve resorted to talking about crack. This seems to be indicative of how tonight has been rolling.

Oh wait, random. You heard about the lost gospel of Judas? Who knew he did anything other than be a punk? Apparently he and Jesus were really tight, like tight that Jesus asked Judas to turn him in. Kind of puts a whole twist on everything we’ve ever been told. I’ll honestly be interested to see where that goes. For real.

I can’t think of anything else to write, so maybe I’ll go to the bathroom.

Oh, check this out. It's HILARIOUS in a psycho kind of way.

Oops!

2006-04-01T23:33:00.001-06:00

I had a post here and I just wasn't feeling it anymore. So I deleted it.

Look for something new here some time. Soon.

Ok-k-k

2006-03-11T01:59:00.000-06:00

So I was out with my friends on their first and last night of Spring Break. I go to pee. I normally have to urinate quite frequently; if you know me, you know this. I'm in the bathroom waiting for dudes to finish so I can take my place in one of the stalls with no doors.

"You know, we should get it like 'Girls Gone Wild' in here!" one dude said, I assume he was referring to the bathroom.

"Yeah, lots of naked chicks!"

"Ooh, how about a slip-n-slide!? A slip-n-slide in piss!"

And nobody said anything to this fool. A slip-n-slide in piss!? What the fuck man! That is not cool, sexy, hot or even sanitary. And nobody said dude, that's gross. They were like, oh yeah let's do it.

I left the bathroom laughing to myself. I wanted to say chuckling, but I don't chuckle (what is a chuckle anyway?).

Dust.

It's hard out here for a pimp.

2006-03-05T17:40:00.000-06:00

I was a bit pissed at a particular cafeteria worker tonight and wrote this email that I have since decided not to send. But it is especially melodramatic and hilarious, so I figured I could share it and not have completely wasted twenty minutes. Enjoy!

To whom it may concern:

Never in my life have I been made to feel like a substandard citizen until this evening. I was going to get a Rice Krispie treat after dinner, when Chris, a cafeteria employee, stood watching every single patron of the bakery rack. Yes, I was quite bothered by his presence, making it uncomfortable to make a choice with this stern glare on every hand that made its way to the baked items. However, I was singled out for using the provided wax paper as opposed to the tongs located in the bakery drawers themselves. The tongs that are touched day after day by bare hands, hands that could be unclean and reeking of that week’s flu virus. Hands of other employees, who have been seen by multiple patrons of the cafeteria, going unclean after leaving a restroom to be met with the same rubber gloves that they serve out chicken and potatoes. Are these tongs washed or sanitized after each person touches them? I believe it is safe to say no. These tongs, after being touched by said hands, are then placed back on top of the baked items, so the germs from those hands are then spread directly to the food. If it is not more sanitary to use the provided wax paper, then why provide it?

If anything, it makes more sense for each patron to grab their desired baked item with the wax paper as opposed to the germ-ridden tongs. However, because of the glaring eye of Chris, patrons are made to feel uncomfortable if not inferior for using the provided means of getting baked goods. If you do not want us to use them, do not provide them. It makes no sense to chastise patrons for using what is provided them, what they pay for.

We are customers to the cafeteria, not at the mercy of its employees. If we are to respect them, we should be respected. If we are expected to abide by certain health standards, they should have to abide by the same standards. Why leave your post, where you should be making sure the baked goods are being prepared for consumption, or to make sure the smoothies are accurately blended, or to clean your hands? Why leave your post, where you should be doing your job? Unless it is in the job description to scrutinize over bare hands and baked goods, it seems perhaps this employee was out of line.

Instead of doing his presumed job, Chris was watching cafeteria patrons to ensure the germs stayed on the tongs, which were then placed back on top of the very food he was trying to protect.

See what I was saying about it being over-the-top?

Had a great weekend other than this asshole. So the Oscars are tonight. Hope good movies win (not "Capote". The dude who was Capote did a great job, but Capote the character [in the movie; I know his ass was real] was such an asshole. Mean people suck. But then Hannibal Lector did win one. Who knows.).

Ok, I may be in love with a stripper.

2006-02-24T16:02:00.000-06:00

If you’ve been reading this for a while, you know I had a hate-love relationship with the Black Eyed Peas’ “My Humps”. Well, it seems folks out there in the music world have took it upon themselves to make other goofy-ass songs that I cannot deny that I like.

T-Pain – “I’m In Love With A Stripper”. First, this fool’s name is T-Pain. T. Pain. Ok. K. K. His album is named Rappa Ternt Sanga. I don’t think he knows how to spell, much less come up with a cool name. All this is beside the point. This song is the shit. It’s mad infectious. And I only know the chorus part that talks about being in love with a stripper. I thought this song would be dumb, and it is, but it’s also super catchy. Don’t be ashamed if you’re humming this song. Jest let dis mess flo lak yoo iz naimed T-Pain.

So I just went and looked at the 100 most recently played songs in my itunes. And well, it seems “I’m In Love With A Stripper” is the most goofy song. Either way, I had to put this out there.

Prego kills Ragu!

2006-02-14T21:50:00.000-06:00

There is a bottle of 409 that has been staring at me for a few days and I haven’t done anything about it yet.

So I thought it would be a cool idea to go get some food, take-out style. Normally, this involves me walking up to the street where food is, ordering, getting the food, and putting it in my bookbag. I am not sure why I don’t like carrying stuff, but I don’t. I even take my bookbag over to the place where I print stuff because I don’t feel like carrying it. Like bags were made to carry crap, so I might as well use it, right?

I ordered spaghetti and meatballs. The last time I got this at this particular place, you know, it was pretty good. I was feeling in an Italian mood, but I didn’t want pizza, so I figured spaghetti was a good choice. So I get this crap and put it in my bookbag, like I always do. It always works with sandwiches and even Chinese food, so this should be no different. Spaghetti, it turns out, is the devil!

As I’m walking back, I notice how unusually warm my lower back is. Notice, this is the exact location of the spaghetti in my bookbag. I really didn’t think too much of it, other than it was really warm. I get back to my place, and take out the spaghetti. When I take it out, I notice the bag covering the what-I-thought-was-styrofoam-but-was-instead-an-aluminum-pan-with-a-paper-lid was shredded open in marinara sauce. Like this bag had no chance with this spaghetti. Apparently, I failed to, you know, notice that this shit was in fact not stryofoam, and had erupted inside of my bookbag. And the sauce was now dripping from my hand onto the floor. Normally, this would make me pretty upset. Oddly enough, I was cool.

I didn’t even cuss! I grabbed some paper plates and shoved them under the erupting bag of spaghetti, then grabbed the only thing I could find that would soak anything up: my washcloth. Armed with the washcloth and some 409, I started to scrub the carpet. I managed to get the stains out (I think). My bookbag, however, is another story.

This piece continues to randomly reek of spaghetti. I cleaned it out with the 409 and let it sit out and inside-out for like two days. But it still kind of smells. I don’t really understand it. I meant to go back and re-scrub it, but I haven’t got around to it. That would be why the 409 is still out. Maybe I should do something about that.

Things I Don't Understand

2006-02-05T12:31:00.000-06:00

I am convinced that I can check my email only so many times before it really starts to get to me. There hasn’t been much for days, and still I check. There wasn’t anything new five minutes ago, and still I check. I sometimes have my email open in multiple windows because I forget that I opened a window already to check my email. This is kind of pathetic. I don’t really know why I am incessantly checking this thing! It’s like crack or something. I don’t get it.

A few months ago I kind of made a big deal out of the “My Humps” song and how horribly bad it was. Let me begin by declaring how big of a hypocrite I am. I am sitting here typing this with the aforementioned song stuck in my head. I love this song and not for any particular reason other than its insane infectiousness. Talk about crack! I don’t get why I like this song either, especially after having hated on it so much. I can only pray that this song is not rewarded with any kind of award (uh, why was “Let’s Get It Started” nominated for song of the year last year?). Otherwise, I swear I will be love drunk off her lovely lady lumps!

Damn it, I just checked my email again. And you know, it tells me every time there’s a new one, so I don’t even need to be clicking on it to see if anything new has arrived. I think this is a problem.

I love being vague as fuck. Like just now, I was asked, “What are you doing” and instead of being like, “Writing this goofy blog,” I said, “Sitting here.” I don’t even do it to be an asshole; I do it because I think it’s kind of funny. Folks all over the place are always so vague and it irritates the shit out of me, so I don’t really know why I do this. Like people who never, ever choose something. Where do you want to eat? I don’t care. What movie do you want to watch? I don’t care. Do you like to kill puppies? Sure. By the way, answering sure to a question borders on being hyper-vague. Do you think my hair looks ok, even though it’s mad fluffy and kind of funky looking? Sure. Fool, do not answer sure! Also, let me say that this is not a for real example from my life, and I am calling no one out. It is only an example of the retarded vagueness that is answering questions with “sure”.

Ah, I just resisted the temptation to check my email again. Now that I have admitted that I have a problem, I can work on conquering it! Not that this mess is taking over my life, however. This is getting kind of dumb. I suppose I should stop now before I start shaking in non-email-checking-withdrawal.

Damn it, I just did it again!

What it is

2006-01-30T22:00:00.000-06:00

So lately, I’ve been having this strong urge to wink at people. And not just people, but like pretty girls. I don’t know what it is. I’ve really only done it once and I had been drinking. And it might have come off more as an eye tic than as an actual wink. It was, however, returned with a coyly stated, “Holla back youngin”. I laughed and kept on walking. But I still don’t get why I want to be winking at folks. Maybe my inner playa is starting to come out. Maybe I do really just have an eye tic. Ah, who knows?

I caught the two night premiere of 24 a couple weeks ago and I’ve been kind of hooked since then. But I must say that the past two episodes have been, well, shitty. It has not been nearly as explosive and compelling. Like I could miss this crap one week and not really miss anything. Those first four hours of television were non-stop, riveting-ass shit. And now it’s blah-blah-blah-Jack-Bauer-save-the-world-love-the-president-hate-terrorists type of shit. I hope some insane stuff goes down because I’m getting mad bored.

I think I might be the only person who thinks it’s super cool that itunes keeps track of how many times songs are played. It’s so cool to see how often I listen to a song or an artist, or how not often I don’t listen to people (sorry, well, a buttload of people). Itunes is so cool!

Wow, I love to start sentence with “I”. Anyway, I suppose that is all for now. Keep it gully.

What does that really mean, anyway??

Gah.

2006-01-22T22:48:00.000-06:00

I had a funny story or something to say, but I forgot what it was. I really should have written it down while I was thinking about it. Oh well. I am still alive.

P.S.
Folks are so random, such as this comment. Wow.

Oh lord

2006-01-03T00:43:00.000-06:00

When I brush my teeth, I always brush my tongue. And when I brush my tongue, I brush the hell out of it. I was just brushing my tongue to the point of upchucking food (way disgusting, I know). And all this red stuff came out. I watched "Saw II" last night and those folks were coughing up similar looking stuff. I thought I had been attacked by nerve gas and was spitting up my lungs. No, I just drank some Gatorade earlier. Ugh, I need to go to sleep!

Dang, why didn't a fool tell me I said that so loud!?

2005-12-23T02:11:00.000-06:00

Let it be known, I talk mad shit. Mostly behind people’s backs, and sometimes in front of their faces. But I always thought I did it where folks could not hear me. Also, I usually talk in a very loud voice. My inside-voice is your outside-voice. So the combination of talking shit and my loud-ass voice normally don’t end up getting me in trouble. That would be until tonight.

We had a little celebration for a friend tonight. No alcohol involved. Ok, very little and none consumed by me. Things are going so well. Bonfires are fun. Like just sticking sticks inside the embers and lighting the end on fire may be construed as somewhat pyromaniac, but it’s not like I’m deriving extreme-ass pleasure out of it. I just like to wave it around or pretend I’m like Indiana Jones walking through some dark-ass cave. Geez, could I say ass one more time? Anyway, so that was fun. The food was excellent, as well. The burgers were ENOURMOUS. This was good, but made them hard to eat. They were also somewhat ironic as a vegetarian made them. Funny, I know.

So, as college people, we try to be adults. And this entails going out. Honestly, I think many adults have a couple beers at home with some friends. We like to go out and have a couple plus five. Or so. I drove, so there was no drinking for me. This whole me not drinking tonight seems kind of alcoholics anonymous, but perhaps I am being melodramatic. Really, what I’m getting at is that I was mad sober. However, I still had an awesome time. Danced like a crazy man. I went into the bathroom to pee and had to get some toilet paper to dry my forehead and the dude next to me was all looking into my stall. Alright Mister Weirdo. Anyway, that really is not the punch-line of this story. It gets much more something (not sure of the right word).

There tends to be mad ugly chicks at this bar we frequent. I’m kind of convinced that beautiful women only live in foreign countries, New York or California (both which may qualify as foreign countries anyway). So, I thought it would be funny to point out to my friends all the lovely ugly chicks that were busting moves. I said, “Dang, it looks like the only girls who will dance are the ugly ones.” This is one of a bajillion examples of me talking shit. Normally, I am totally able to keep this on the low. Folks are drunk, the music is loud, you’re grinding. No way can people actually hear me. Well, this ho did. And took it upon herself to tap me on the shoulder, “If you’re going to talk shit, you need to go somewhere else.” Holy shit, I have been caught. And this woman easily could’ve taken me. I imagine she is an amateur female wrestler or something. Granted, I had a whole crew and could’ve taken this fool out, but I still felt bad. I apologized profusely. Oddly enough, I never thought that perhaps I could lie and I certainly didn’t think about taking it back. It was true, she was ugly and she needed to stop slow-dancing and booty hopping to Def Leppard. So, as per her orders, I did move. I’m not trying to get cut!

Next thing I know, apparently some dude that is with her comes up and taps me on the shoulder. What is with these people and damn shoulder tapping!? “What’d you say about my girl??” I say, “Nothing. I am sorry. We already worked it out.” Then Chyna Doll came over and pulled him away, but fool still wanted to talk or start a brawl or something. Ok, a man who is about to fight cannot honestly be taken seriously in a v-neck sweater. Sorry. You also have too much gel in your hair. I light your head on fire, I win. Not that I would do that (dang, maybe I should reconsider this pyro stuff)! I assume he thought he could start some shit because I was wearing what some might think a grandpa sweater. This shit is hot and bitches know this! So this dude and this chick look like they left.

Then, they come back. And their friend comes up, takes a look at me and turns around. At least she didn’t laugh! I must admit, I am a bit fly. So then their little crew decides to stare at me and my friends. And stare and stare and stare. This shit is freaking me out because staring at people is weird. Might as well be talking shit. I believe they wanted to provoke some shit. I’m too smart. It was time to leave.

So we leave and head down to the pizza place. I couldn’t even eat because I kept looking at the door to make sure the ugly crew didn’t roll up. This mess had me shook, like a halfway crook. I hope those are the words. Ugh, it’s real late and I am still thinking about this. I was scared they would’ve fucked with my car. They don’t know what I drive. Thank God.

Shout-outs to my friends. Ya’ll are alright! Next time I’m gonna be talking shit, I will whisper that mess in folks’ ears and walk the fuck away. No ma’am, I didn’t say shit. Now eat your sandwich and grind somewhere else!

PS
I don't want no babies. So I will not holler at ladies I know who have them. Thank you.

My so-called-cracked-out life

2005-12-14T22:11:00.000-06:00

So, after several tens of ounces of wannabe “energy” drinks, I’m drained. Red bull ain’t nothing but some medicinal-tasting, not-cracked-out inducing funk of a drink. I’ve never had it without alcohol until today (I’m not an alchie, I swear!), and there’s got to be a reason why that mess is mixed with other stuff. It’s kind of stank.

I drank the damn thing, and then my eyes starting closing. I was like what the fuck!? I need wings, ho! I was a bit let down. So as I was struggling to stay awake, my friend was like, “Why don’t you try the Sobe one from the vending machine?” I said why not. Well, this thing was like sixteen ounces, two servings worth of energy it says (well, it didn’t really say that. It was a two serving can. Who makes those? Like, you open a can and drink the whole thing, you don’t open it and put the other half of the drink in the fridge and call it a day. Drink the whole thing you freak! So, that’s what I did). Well, this seemed to work a bit better I suppose. But neither were the kick I was expecting. I believe I will be staying away from “energy” drinks. I think they’re a bit overpriced for the crap taste they give you. Although, the Sobe one had a fruit punch flavor going on. It was kinda good.

I really was expecting something packing some punch. Oh well.

I like my beats hard like two-day old shits. Man, A Tribe Called Quest should be called A Tribe Called a Trip. They’re funny.

So, while I’m here, let me wax on some shit. I paid $88 for a damn book that fools want to give me $10 back for. You ain’t messing with no rookie! I said, give me that shit back and wrote an email to the chair and co-chair of the department. Ok, so probably nothing will happen because of it, but cot damn it, don’t mess with me and my money! They probably won’t even write me back, but I don’t much care because I let them know how I feel that they’re exploiting poor folks. Not to say I’m a bag man, but damn, I almost lost $80. That’s some for-real-ass money. I need that shit! Maybe somewhere else will give me some more money, otherwise I think I’m going to turn to eBay!

Get along little doggies

2005-12-10T18:47:00.000-06:00

All of a sudden, I am convinced that the person who makes fortune cookies has a hidden camera in my room.

So, I again thought it would be a good idea to eat at a place with a B health rating. Why do I find these things out after I have ordered and paid? I don’t get it! The food was the shit though. Anyway, so I’m done with the sesame chicken (was good, but probably too much chicken…my stomach will be rumblin later), and I go to eat the fortune cookie. Sometimes, these places insist that you pay for these things. I don’t exactly understand that because, well, they cost like three cents to make, if even that. So I’m eating my free fortune cookie and I read the fortune, “Examine the situation before you act impulsively”. What the fuck!? I think I insist on living my life without ever thinking about it and here’s this damn cookie telling me to slow down.

I like to sign up for the GRE after talking to one professor about it. I couldn’t even get a full refund after I cancelled it because I didn’t read the fine print that said you only get half back. I decided to apply to Princeton without looking at their program. Sent out recommendation forms to all my professors and shit, only to realize I wouldn’t go to Princeton if they paid me (ok, if they paid me, fuck yeah I’d go…but it’s just not for me!). I had to send out an email apologizing for the “accident,” when in reality, I had to spend like five minutes getting everybody’s name and contact info and mess in there. I just like to do things without thinking about them and this fortune is mad ironic.

I really need to go finish this paper. Pimps up, hos down.

Lookin at my roley, it's about that time

2005-12-04T23:19:00.000-06:00

Everybody and their mom run a celebrity website now. It seems with the advent of the online tabloid, regular Joes have taken it upon themselves to uproot the traditional Star and Enquirer as dishers of gossip. What’s funny is that there is a distinct difference between the good ones and the bad ones. The bad ones often run the same pictures as the good ones, but with much less wit and sarcasm, thus, less entertaining. But even the good ones sometimes seem contrived because they have to be biting, otherwise their visitors stop coming. I find it interesting that as we want to dole out harsh criticism to paparazzi, we are at the same time eating up their “caught-red-handed” photos. The only difference between the trash at the store and the trash on the internet is $3.95.

That being said, I am still a fan of celebrity news sites, but I still feel like folks don’t know when to stop. Not everybody has a way with words that makes their comments funny. Some mess is shitty, straight up. But there are some good ones. And they’ll continue to get my viewership (or something…).

I hate warm toilet seats. As much as I hate cold ones, I hate warm ones. It was kind of gross today because I walked into the bathroom to do my thing, and the door was still swinging from the guy who was just in there. The smell was still emanating from the bowl. I saw down and the warmth was almost stinging. “Some dude just like five seconds ago took a crap here. And I’m getting shitty seconds.” I do hate cold toilet seats, because well, they’re freezing. But at least I know there isn’t like recent butt stank sitting there waiting.

I changed up the design a bit on the blog. I don’t know if I like it or not, though. In the change, I accidentally deleted all my old stuff, like links, etc. I did check yes that that was ok, but I didn’t realize what I was doing until it was done. Sometimes mess just needs to start over.

Now that every since has started with “I”, I think it’s necessary to start this one with something else. So I just did. Anyway, I know I hated so much on the “My Humps” song. I know I have. Now I must confess. I think I may like it. Ugh, I know, where is the fork to go in my eye!? But this mess is indeed catchy, on the daily. Why do the Black Eyed Peas insist on doing this to me? I make promises to myself to not like their songs, and it seems every time I do it, I end up bouncing around to their inanity. I suppose that’s the story of life.

By the way, I’m kind of impressed with my word choice in the second to last sentence of the above paragraph. I’ve never used that word before and sometimes I tend to make words up as I go along, just to see if the word exists and if I used it correctly. I did and it does, so hootie hoo.

Well, I suppose that’s all there is to say.

You're standing on my neck

2005-12-03T18:49:00.000-06:00

So, I've been rather busy here lately and haven't had much time to write stuff. In an effort to continue to write here, I'm just going to include something I wrote the other day. Look for more soon!

Let me begin this post by first discussing the smelliest fool I’ve ever been around. I have found that stereotypes about people who smell bad are simply not true. So that being said, the smelliest white man ever decided to walk past me as I was waiting for my shit to print off. Good god, he stunk so bad. Like mix of body odor, funk, onions, Italian food, and general stankness all rolled up into one human body. I felt bad for the dude sitting next to him. I though that if he sat next to me that I would risk looking like an asshole and move so I’d be able to breathe. Ugh, that fool stunk!

What I love about getting together with old friends is the normal drama (a.k.a. post-get together shit talking) that ensues. However, this past weekend, there was all kinds of drama going down and none of it involved folks being mean or stirring up pots of hypocrisy and bullshit. Which actually went was good, even as much as I love to talk shit! So, in an effort to save money but still have fun, my friends and I decided that we should drink before we go out for one of my friend’s birthday. Good idea in theory, bad idea in action. We kind of didn’t have a few drinks before we went out, we got drunk. Nearly sloppy drunk. Said birthday friend fell over walking into the bar and was immediately kicked out. “Come back in thirty minutes after you get some food.” Who says that!? I don’t think thirty minutes was going to improve the debauchery that was already going down. Shit was still the bomb, even though another friend and I got left at the bar, for at least an hour, while everyone else was taken home. Either somebody forgot about us or figured we were alright. Something, I’m not really sure what happened (and that can be said for a lot that night), but I ended up at home apparently safe and sound. This birthday ranks up there with my birthday, and you know that was the party of the year (for those who do not attend parties thrown by Puff). So all is good in the world.

I would include more details, but I want to spare everyone (and myself) the embarrassment. Plus, most folks who read this know what went down anyway, so no need to rehash it all!

I have realized that I think I subconsciously enjoy having lots of paper around me. And by this, I don’t mean money. I mean like notebook paper, post-it paper, receipts, old forms I filled out but never turned it—all kinds of damn paper. What is this about? I can’t seem to shake the damn paper trail I leave. There’s paper in the bottom of my bookbag, the bottoms of my pockets. It’s everywhere! Also, this going along kind of (in a sick, sad world…Daria, haha) way, I have lots of nickels that also follow me around. I am sure I have dollars and dollars of nickels. Why not cool change like quarters or dimes? Or even fifty-cent pieces? Just nickels. I suppose this is better than being harassed by pennies, cause who really uses those?

Also, today I thought it would be a smart idea to run down the stairs to meet the pizza guy. Turns out, my moccasins don't have much traction and I slid on the cement and landed on the left side of my body. It hurt like hell, but I couldn't help but laugh, which I did while I grimaced in pain! And then later, I was walking down the stairs and my left knee now hurts! Anyone seen "The Jacksons: American Dream"? Well, Mom Jackson had this funky-like wobble or stagger or that word, um, limp! I feel like that's what I look like. Hopefully it'll be all good tomorrow.

Sausage and goat cheese pizza

2005-11-14T14:48:00.000-06:00

My friend and I were talking about his guilty pleasure. I won’t come clean with what it was, but it got me thinking. What are my guilty pleasures?

P.S. I don’t feel like expanding on my previous entry. Needless to say, this weekend has its necessary retardedness. Life is boring without goofy shit. And BMWs.

I love Laguna Beach. I prefer the first season, but this second season has got hot. And now tonight is the last episode. Way to let some fools know! At least it’s commercial free.

Reading blogs. As you read this, you are me. I read random people from my school’s blogs. I see them on campus and part of me like expects them to like recognize me or something insane like that. But they don’t know me! It’s so funny to see those folks in for real life.

I have like several shows I watch that I don’t want people to know about. America’s Next Top Model is basically the shit. I love beautiful women. And I love Tyra Banks. So it’s like I have to watch. I never watch them outright. It’s always after the fact. Like I download episodes so I can watch them at my convenience. That mess is addicting.

Making the Band. Again, pretty girls do me in. I know, I know. Aubrey looks like a crackhead now, but she’s still cute (read hot, not cute like little sister cute). Yes, I miss Malika and her raspy, grandma ass (she was like 37 or something, trying to hang with middle schoolers. I love her, but Puff did her right by cutting her loose). And the new girls are hot in all kind of ways. Dancing, singing. It’s a good show. And Puff’s in it. And he’s like my idol (“Rev, I’m a freak. Do you think if we get married, we’re gonna lose that?” Ah, hilarious!).

Mess is crazy. I need to be doing work. And now folks will know things about me. Ponder this mess. Hey, you know, only my friends read this shit anyway, so you already know. But it’s kinda funny to admit, that yes, I watch America’s Next Top Model. Shit is hot and you can’t deny it.

It's been a long time, shouldn't have left you without a dope blog to read to

2005-11-12T18:22:00.000-06:00

Ok, in a fit of procrastination I have decided to blog-it-up for a minute. I don't really like the word "blog". It seems so internet and I feel like using that word kind of sterilizes things. I like clean, yes, but it's like robots write blogs. And, well, I'm not a robot.

Now I'm feeling bad for being on here. I do have some funny stuff to share. But that will come later. Maybe I should make a list to remind myself:

- drunk older people and the Pussycat Dolls (I can understand dancing to "The Electric Slide" or "We are Family". But there's something hilarious about seeing 40 year olds breaking it down to this song. There was the lady who swayed with her entire body. She had rhythm. She had no moves. Then the other lady who we will call "Herky Jerky". She was all over the place. And backing it up. On other women. Other older women.)
- I must get a BMW (test drove one today. Thought the Z4 was nice, but it's for midgets or people with no shit. I have mad shit. So then I drove a 3-series sedan. That one will do. Heated seats are nice, except when it's warm out. My butt got really hot. Someone called me a "hot-ass". Is that funny? Maybe I don't get it.)

See, I never should've been on here! I must go.

Winter clothes and open toes

2005-10-28T18:32:00.000-05:00

We all love when it turns cold. At least I do. Some days it’s just too hot and I don’t like my clothes all sticking to me and the sweat that drips from my forehead, causing temporary blindness. So the chill is a welcomed change. I have about seven thousand pairs of jeans and I brought nearly all of them to school so I’ve been wanting to wear them. The first cool day it was about 73 or so, so I thought I’d look fly (read fratty) and I wear my flip-flops with them. The thing is that it was all still weather-appropriate because the temperature was still in the 70s.

So now, the cold weather has been here for a second. It’s cold, like 50-degrees cold. It’s no artic-ass chill, but worthy of a sweatshirt or something. I’ve continued to wear my jeans, as have other folks. But the thing is, is that other people have continued to wear flip-flops. I’ve seen girls with straight-up scarves on with flip-flops. Is it cold or is it hot? You look confused! And it’s not just girls, it’s dudes, too. Fool, why are the bottom five inches of your thigh showing when it’s 46 degrees outside? That mess is not cool even in warm weather, but especially not now. My parents always made sure my sister and I wore weather-appropriate clothes. If it was cold outside, we could not play unless we had on a jacket and for real shoes. So maybe everyone else’s parents missed the message of normal-ass health, or maybe this is like a weak-ass version of some kind of rebellion.

It’s like folks are doing what they always wanted to do: to wear flip-flops and shorts when it’s cold outside. Yes, I am guilty of wearing shorts when it’s cold. But I’m in PE, so that mess does not count the same. And my PE is inside in a heated gym, so shorts are necessary. But for all you other fools, what goes on in your head? “Oh, weather.com says it’s gonna be 58 degrees today, that means I need mittens and sandals.” Does that make sense to anyone else out there?

Anyway, I heard this girl singing the “My Humps” song today. And she was into it. Really into it. Shit is catchy, but come on, “my lovely lady lumps”?

So Jay-Z and Nas have squashed their beef. That’s cool, but shouldn’t it have come like three years ago when it was relevant? Jay doesn’t make records anymore and Nas doesn’t sell records anymore, so other than to give people something mildly interesting to talk about, what was the point? They’re not recording music together, they’re not doing a movie or clothing line. They just did one song at Jay’s random concert Thursday night. Ok, kind of big deal in hip-hop history. But does it really matter in the here-and-now?

Speaking of hip-hop, I will no longer be Young Jeezy for Halloween. Instead, I’m kind of adopting a LL Cool J/Run DMC style, with the track suit and the obnoxious dookie chains (I got as close to these as I could find, and shit ended up being the most expensive part of the costume…for fake-ass gold). I wish I could hunt down a Kangol or something, but no used clothing place around here sells shit like that. I found a hat that looked kind of similar, but it was too expensive for one night and it kind of reminded me of a hat a bag lady would wear. And I don’t have enough money to get the hat and I make too much money to be a bag person. Speaking of used clothing stores and bag people, the jacket I bought kind of stinks. I want to wash it, but I don’t know if I should. I think my insane fear of getting lice is prompting me to clean it. I tried on some hats at this used clothes place and I already started to itch. Mess is so psychological. I just hope I don’t need to take back the jacket to get money to buy some Nix.

Trap or die

2005-10-22T21:03:00.000-05:00

I should be working on some things right now, but I’m mad distracted.

I love how when you search for the Black Eyed Peas “My Humps” that it directs people to my blog. That cracks me up.

So I’ve decided to be Young Jeezy for Halloween. I wonder where they sell cheap gold fronts. The shirt I got says, “Trap or die” on the back. I’m not quite sure what that means. Maybe like vote or die? Or eat or die? Not sure. Hopefully it won’t get me shot. I wanted to be Mike Jones, but they do not have Mike Jones shirts at the mall. Apparently they only carry clothing line items, and Mike Jones doesn’t have a clothing line. Give that fool six months. One dude told me to go to the flea market (!). I actually considered it. Thinking about it, I don’t know if I’ll be crunk enough to be Young Jeezy or any kind of rapper. I don’t know if I can deal with having to talk to tons of people all night. But then again, my friend told me that there would be other people who look like me, but are dressed for real, so that makes me feel better. Here comes the snowman!

Which, by the way, not one of the hardest nicknames one could pick. The snowman? It just conjures up images of dandruff to me. Dandruff or like showtunes.

My weekend has been the bomb. And I’ve actually gotten work done. I didn’t think I had that much to do until I was rolling up the exit ramp home. That sucked. I was so excited to not do anything for four days and then it hit me that I had a paper due Monday. But it’s done, so it’s all good. And if you don’t know, now you know.

Remix

2005-10-13T16:18:00.000-05:00

I feel bad for fooling folks into thinking I updated yesterday. I did, but I decided the post sucked, so I deleted it. Folks don't want to hear shit like that. So, I've decided to bring back an old post. Enjoy.

Soap cups are the bomb [10/05/03 10:56 PM]

I do not understand things sometimes. Why does all my stuff end up falling into toilets? Okay, I'll give you a couple buttons off some pants or something. But this past weekend, things have sunk to a new low. I was using the bathroom, you know how folks do. I put my soap and shirt on top of the toilet paper dispenser. And wouldn't you know, my soap dish thing fell into the toilet. Talk about disgusting. For some reason, I felt compelled to reach in and pull it out. Then, I decided that that was really gross, so I took care of business and proceeded to the trash can where I threw that soap thing away. I don't have any clue what was in that toilet or what kind of germs were on the soap thing, so I thought it would be best to trash it. Why does my shit decide to end its life by falling into toilets? It seems everything in my life recently revolves around toilets and toilet paper. Is there something to this that nobody else has told me?

Ok, I'll admit it. I watched the Trading Spaces where they got $50,000 to re-do a room. That's nuts, first off. They normally only get $1,000 and on this one, they get $50,000! And wouldn't you know it, Sony decides they're gonna throw in brand new TVs, stereos, computers, etc. Where can I sign up for this thing at? I don't want no slip-covers and shit, I want some nice-ass stereo equipment man!

Let me speak on one thing for a minute. Why do some people have to be loud as hell in the morning? I know I've talked about this before, but dang, it is still an issue. Went up to see a good buddy of mine and stayed in his room, with his roommate. Well this dude thinks it's a cool idea to walk around holding keys by one key and letting the rest of them dangle and make noise and shit. That is not cool, no matter how old. Okay, maybe when you're like two, but not 19. We're trying to sleep, and this fool is walking around like Super Key Dude or something. You're already in the room, why still carry keys around? Come on dude. And you know, once I'm awake, I'm awake, so there was no falling back asleep after that mess.

This is something else that's bothering me. Have you ever been accused of caring too much? Maybe of caring too little, but not too much. Who says "Will you please not care about me?" That's crackheaded to say, which I guess makes sense in terms of what and who I'm talking about! But for real, who can care too much? Like there are some people that I care less about, but like my best friends, I care a whole lot and if you are going to be doing stupid shit, I'm going to say something. My bad because I care. I can't believe this is even an issue.

I was totally bummed out because I had to go to the volleyball match this afternoon. I have no clue what goes on in those things or what any of it means. I do not understand anything related to volleyball, other than what you learn in high school PE volleyball. Well, turns out, it was the bomb idea for me to go to this match. They called out my ticket number and I won a prize. Talk about cool man. The prize I won at first, something regarding time in a tanning bed or something, did not cut it. So the guy gave me a $10 gift certificate to this sporting goods store. I was like "Yeeeah man". So, now I just have to figure out what to buy with it. I may need to buy a weight belt. That would make most sense. Anyway.

My music thing on the computer has now played three straight Coldplay songs, I'm feeling kind of down now. Ok, not really, but I'm getting there. Time to switch it on up before I end up cutting some things. Ok, not really to that either. And whoever thought "Liberian Girl" was a cool song, I hate you. That shit has been in my head for like three days. Go back to Liberia, you're not welcome here.

Ok, this is not necessarily the hotness either. But I felt like writing some stuff. Look for the fire Thursday after I've had some time to see stupid folks. Holla.

Mood: It's whatever
Music: Aerosmith - "Jaded"

Not a damn thing has changed! My life is still all about the bathroom, things going down there, people being up in it. I think I'm going to study bathrooms and bathroom behaviors. But then I would totally be one of those people I hate, you know the ones, who always are commenting and shit about folks not washing their hands, putting down the toilet seat, etc. Stupid shit. Pun intended.

The light at the bottom of the pool

2005-10-06T18:03:00.000-05:00

I am not afraid of water. I like pools, beaches and showers. Sometimes, I even put my head under (only with the necessary equipment, however, like nose clips). I do not put my face in if I don’t have to or don’t want to. I like to keep my shit in the three-foot section. I like to bob around. No diving, being all up in the deep end. I prefer my swimming low key. In fact, you may not even call it swimming. I guess you could say I wade in the water. That is where I stand when it comes to me and pools. I like to feel the bottom of the pool under my feet. I like the wall within grasping distance. So when it came time for me to take the swim test, I had some trepidation. But I was confident I would pass.

So they corral us like beef, picking random people to go. I was in a group of three. With the other two folks in one lane, it left me alone in lane two. That was cool. I didn’t really want to attempt any fake-ass conversation with folks I had never talked to before. Prior to the starting line, I had mad urination to attend to. Twice. Also, after time number two, I was going back to the pit of hell water and was accosted by a naked old man. Ok, not necessarily accosted, but as soon as he turned around, it was all hanging there. Grandpa, I don’t want to see that any more than Pearl does. Go into a shower stall or something! Anyway, I go back out to the pool.

I’m standing there, watching these fools. They make it look so easy. It’s only five minutes, I can do this! Next thing I know, it’s time for me to do this. I’m standing on the edge of the pool. I’m talking to the guy next to me. I don’t really remember much of the conversation other than that he offered to also hold his nose when he jumped in. That was nice of him. After this jumping in, I kind of lose awareness of everything else going on around me. It all started out so well.

I jump in, hand firmly holding both nostrils tight. It was kind of hard to get a good hold on my nose because I’ve been using mad lotion and shit to not have my face be so dry, but it worked. I make it back up to the surface, avoiding touching the bottom because that would result in failure. I wasn’t about to fail this bullshit. I may not swim like, you know, a swimmer, but I can hang in the water for five minutes. I’m doing my version of the freestyle stroke. I make it to one end. By the way, this pool is originally an Olympic size pool, but they made it half. So I make it half way, touch the wall. Everything’s going good. I make it back to the other end. I ask the two folks next to me if we’re supposed to touch the wall when we come back. They said yes, so I gave that wall a nice rub. Three minutes the guy said. Three minutes and this bad boy would be over. I knew it would be easy.

So, for the next three minutes, I decide to tread water. Probably the worse mistake of my life. Every muscle in my body was struggling to keep my head above water. Man, how was that girl talking to other people and doing flips and shit? I’m floating, or something, here about to pass out. Two minutes. I wanted to count the seconds down, but all I could think about was how my lungs were collapsing and I would be the first person to die taking the swim test. I know, I know. They have lifeguards, I wouldn’t have died. But there were so many people standing around, watching me flounder all up in the water. I think I would’ve been better off dead than as the guy who survived looking a damn fool during the swim test. Down to a minute. I know it doesn’t seem like that long, but this shit was straight eternity. All I could think about was that I must survive this. There has got to be some way I can make it. I was also thinking how fucking absurd it is that this is required for graduation and that my ass came to learn and not to die in a fucking pool for a test that no other school requires. If bitches drown, it’s their fault! You forcing me to take this test does not equate me having knowledge of proper swim technique or survival skills. I can’t float on my back, so I would’ve been a goner, but it would’ve been my own fault! This is why I hang out in sections of water where I can touch the bottom. It’s not cheating motherfuckers; it’s keeping it very real!

Down to thirty seconds. Everything is tensed up at this point. Still can’t breathe and I keep getting water in my mouth, because inch by inch my head is being overtaken by the chlorinated hell. Strange breathing noises come out of me. I didn’t know I was capable of such weird noises. I was thinking this is what it sounds like when swimmers die (sing to “When doves cry” and it’s funny). I start making my way over to the wall. If they need to pull me out, at least this way there won’t be that far for them to drag my drowned ass. Ten seconds. One of the official folks on the side tells me to make bigger motions with my arms. That’s cool. I do it. Then I go under. Nose full of chlorine. Normally that shit burns like hell, but my body made no reaction because it was so tensed up in response to my impending death that it had more important shit to be doing. I grab the wall. No clue how many seconds left. I know I failed. It was over. I still can’t breathe. Get out of the pool they yell to us. Fool, don’t you see I’m on the verge of death!? Give me a fucking second. I thought this one guy was coming over to see, you know, if I was alive. Nope, he was just lining up for his execution, er, turn at the swim test. I hold on the wall nearly all the way to the ladder. Nope, still can’t breathe. Must get out of pool. Make sure you avoid all eye contact with potential people who might say something. I have no clue what my face was saying but it was probably, “Good lord…” I made it to the wall where my stuff was. Fuck drying off, I’m trying to breathe man! The breathes are coming short and quick. Not enough to do anything. The girl who saw me grab the wall goes and talks to my teacher. Yep, I failed. I will have to put my body through this torture again. And for what!? He starts filling out the you-pass-cards. Nope, I won’t be getting one. Then he walks over. I’m looking at him, expecting him to be like, “We’re offering this again in November. You can come back then.” He hands me a card. Holy shit. I’m alive and I passed.

In all the agony I survived, I passed. I did not think it would be this hard. Now, my head was splitting like something insane. And I’m shaking. And I still can’t breathe. I go up to my room and sit. If I hadn’t died in the pool, death was certainly imminent now. This was too much. After some consulting, I end up at the health center. What’s your symptoms? Uh, I have a headache and I’m shaky. She looks at me like, “Okay-kay-kay.” I go see the doctor. My heart was still kind of racing, but she says I’m ok. Runs a neurological test on me. I felt like one of those drunken folks on the side of the road. Had to walk in a straight line and touch my finger to my nose. It was kind of funny. The med student was cute, too. Tell your friends to get with my friends and we could be friends. So that’s how the story goes. I don’t see me going to a pool for a while now. Unless it involves three feet of water and my feet on the bottom.

Can't Get Right

2005-09-30T23:15:00.000-05:00

No matter the year, month or day, something fucks up when it comes to my stomach or my food. Today was alright until about 1pm. Then all shit broke loose. I need to stop eating so late. And when I do eat late, having fools put like three cups of cheese on my quesadilla ain’t so hot. It tastes so good, though! I just gotta say no. That mess tasted good, but didn’t feel so good. Anyway.

Tonight, I was just trying to get my meal on. I wanted a sandwich, but the voice of reason called to my attention that even if I got the sandwich I wanted (gotta love anything called the Italian) it would be about the same as some damn pizza in terms of healthyness. This is true. However, I wanted a sandwich. Then, a stroke of brilliance hit me and was like, “Yo, you want to go to that place that serves that real good pizza that we gotta drive to and shit?” And he was like, “Oooh yeah!”.

So we hustle to my car. Ok, it wasn’t fast at all but thinking about the hot pizza we were going to be having made my step a little bit lighter. No time for the ipod, we were on a mission. So we navigate through campus, down the street and pull on into the parking lot. Normally, there are about fifty-eleven cars in the lot. Today, there were like only eleven. So I thinking and wondering, “What’s the deal!?” We get out, saw some folks standing in front of the doorway when we pulled in. We knew this place was open. So we go up to the door. No lights on. No people. No pizza. And a giant ass industrial size sink sitting in the middle of the floor. Either they’re closed, or their shit for real includes the kitchen sink.

There was a sign on the door. Something in a mix of gibberish, Spanish and something I think might have been English. Needless to say, we could not decipher what had happened to the Mecca of pizza (I can’t currently think of any better pizza place, but this one’s pretty close). That mess sucked. I had been thinking the entire car ride over there about what I was gonna get. You don’t play with me and my food! If you like your eyes or your fingers, you better come correct. By the way, this includes not serving me mustard-and-ham sandwiches at a party after you asked me what I wanted. I said chicken fingers and other fried shit cot damn it, not sandwiches. I’m not on some country club shit, get me food that will make me fat! Anyway, so we struggled to figure out where we would go. It’s like in that movie “AI” where Haley “I see dead people” Joel Osment (whatever it is) was looking for that city of the blue queen or something. He gets all the way there to find out it doesn’t exist. That’s what this is like. Except we didn’t sit in our car for seven-hundred years and freeze. And we left to go find other food. Anyway, got in the car and went to the main road with food.

So there is like zero parking on this street unless you got mad quarters. Being the baller that I am, I only deal in Benjamins (or Washingtons…but who’s keeping score?), so I had no change. They need to install like cash or debit card machines on those things. They would get much more business. Anyway, so we went and tried to find a spot in some of those overpriced pay lots. The one I always use was full. You just let one person in and two people out, give me a spot! The red full sign said, “No fool!” so we had to go somewhere else. So five feet down the street, I see a parking deck with the gates all up. Free, free, free. Sounds hot to me. So I roll up, park the car and we walk to the second rate pizza place we still eat at despite all the shit we talk about it each time we leave. So some stupid shit went down, and made it one of the most uncomfortable and not fun meals in history. Not to mention the pizza was shit. Left the bitch in a hurry, with a not fly tip on the table. Those people are always so angry. Improve your food and maybe I’ll improve my tip and then maybe you can improve your smile. That is, of course, if you have teeth. The people that work at this place are mad sketchy, so no teeth wouldn’t surprise me. This might explain why they never look nice. Anyway.

So dinner was dookie, meaning it’s really [the] shit. We head back to the free parking deck. All the gates are down and someone who I will refer to as Small Red was occupying the gate box. So I roll all the way up to the gate, expecting it to open, cause you know I didn’t pay. Then I look at Small Red like, you got to be kidding me. I roll down the window and say, “Uh, I didn’t pay anything to park. All the gates were up.”

“That’ll be three dollars,” Small Red said as he dug that number out of his ass. Not even knowing how much their for real hourly charge is, I hand that fool my three dollars. So then I’m like, “Motherfucker, don’t be fucking with me. The gates were up. You wanna get cut!?”

Ok, not actually what I said, but kinda funny. But I did ask why the gates were up and nobody was there to take my money. He said he was in the bathroom. Now that I think about it, I can sympathize. My life goes on hold every time I gotta go. But dammmmmmnnnnnn (like Smokey from “Friday”), why you gonna charge me now? I still paid that fool. But don’t let me see you in the streets! I honestly do not ever remember what this man looks like other than small with red hair. Oh well. Turns out the damn pizza place moved. To an entirely different city. Oh well. They always took too damn long anyway.

I am mad ridiculous sometimes. Other folks (no names, but if you think this is you, it probably is) are ridiculous, too. I feel like admitting my ridiculousness is a good thing (but knowing you act ridiculously is not so good). Anyway, I’m trying to work on that. So we talked about the shit that was bothering a fool. Then I went and saw “Fever Pitch”. At best, it was okay. I really like Drew Barrymore. I really do. But something about this movie made me feel like I was watching a live-action cartoon (instead of the other way around like “The Flintstones” or some shit). Those SNL folks need to stop thinking they can carry movies alone. The thought behind this was nice: love and baseball. In theory it works, in for realness, not so much. It could’ve been better. Oh well, it was free!

So that’s been the night so far. I think a trek to a mysterious convenience store is forthcoming, but only time will tell. You know it’s bad when you’re jonesin for juice. Sobe is the shit, for real. Power is the one. Anyway, I hope to see that and something Mexican tonight. So a hootie hoo and peace out. You ain’t got to go home, but you better get the hell out of here!

Random + a blast from the past

2005-09-28T14:41:00.000-05:00

So because I can’t think of anything else and I feel like I should post something, here is a list of the shit I am currently enjoying.

Diet Mountain Dew. I have a huge problem staying awake in the evening, which makes it a real bad time for any attempt at anything resembling reading getting done. So I’ve been drinking this for like two days. I drank it during the summer and it never seemed to affect my sleep or anything. But then again, I would go to sleep at like 2am. But now, I’m like rolling around, wide awake, staring at the ceiling, then my sheets, then the window, then the door. Lots of staring going down. Now that I think of it, I don’t know how much I am actually enjoying Diet Mountain Dew. But it will keep a fool awake!

Coldplay. Yes, I am still addicted. I listened to them a lot over the summer, which forced me to listen to other stuff. But now it’s like Coldplay all day, every day. I think I need help. Or something.

Chocolate-chocolate chip cookies. These things are THE bomb. They don’t taste like anything else. Like all good things I love, I didn’t like them too much at first. I didn’t think they could ever compare to the deliciousness of regular chocolate chip cookies. Good lord, I was so wrong! But I am going to try and limit myself in how many I eat (like none…but I think I’m going through withdrawal; I also broke down yesterday and ate two). I’ve got to do something. I haven’t ballooned like Courtney Love, but I’m mad self-conscious. I should probably also give up all things fried or hamburger-related. But it all tastes so good! I think Willy Wonka had the right idea with that gum that tasted like whole meals. Sometimes, I just want the taste in my mouth!

Funny people. The more things change, the more they stay the same. People never cease to crack me up.

Laguna Beach. Why do I watch this mess? It is not compelling. It is not riveting. And yet I watch. Last season kicked major ass compared to this new mess. It’s all about the previews for the next week’s episode! You wait the entire half hour to see the previews. The drama and shit this year just does not compare. It bores me. Fat Alex is no fun. Why are fools afraid of her? She’s not scary. Give her a little Gwen Stefani or some Krispy Kreme and she’ll be your dog for life, despite whatever may or may not be her hygiene problem. Goofy ass Jessica. I think out of everybody, she needs the most psychological help. “Please, someone throw me against the wall again! I love pain!” And that other ho, Alex H. or something, the one who lives in Kristin’s purse. Is her purpose in life to say things like, “So what about you and Stephen?” My question to you Alex, “What about you? Do you know ANYBODY else?” She is sad, too, but not as sad as Jessica. Can you please just bring back LC, Lo or even Morgan. Something must be done! And yet, I continue to watch.

Ok, something has got me kind of pissed off now, so I don’t much feel like writing more. But I am reading old posts from the ghetto days of sub-journal. Dated 4.13.2003:

Tonight's the last night of Real World Las Vegas, and that's a good thing. Not for me, but for them. They can now stop the insane spread of STDs in their house. Ugh. I swear just about everyone in that house has got with somebody else. Although it has made for good TV (got me addicted!), it is not quality television. Can't we have a good fight over racism (Real World NY) or kick somebody out because they pulled the girl out of the bed, when she was naked under the blanket (Real World LA)? I miss those old ones. Kick somebody off already! I hope the Paris one has a crackhead. If Whitney Houston was on this show, it would not only be entertaining and just plain hilarious, but we could see what she really does. Crack or weed, which is it Whitney? A reality show of her and Bobby would be such a huge hit. I'd watch it! They are so mysterious, yet we all know what they do. But with a camera following them around, we'll get to see what they do. And if she's so addicted as people make her out to be, we are bound to see her do some drugs. And not that I want to see her do drugs, but just to know if she really does. This is getting weird. No more of this haha.

I called it on the Whitney Houston/Bobby Brown reality show. That cracks me up. Have a good one fools.

My hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps

2005-09-18T23:32:00.000-05:00

Ok, we all know the Black Eyed Peas didn't sell any records until they added Fergie. Anyone else remember "The Request Line" with Macy Gray? Probably not. But since the addition of Fergie, the Peas have garnered radio success and lots of records sold. My question: why!? Does anyone really listen to the words in their songs? I don't think people really do. There is someone telling these fools, "Yo, that shit is hot! Say that right there!" I think they must hang with Whitney Houston because this is crack-headed.

Their newest single is the prime example of their goofiness. "My Humps" is an ode to any kind of female protrusion, from the ass to the breasts, they got them all covered. Ok, say out loud what I am about to type out, "My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps." And now say it to the person nearest you. Did they look at you like you are out of your damn mind? There is nothing at all cool about this song. Yes, it's catchy but it's catchy like syphilis. One of the rapper dudes talks about some cocoa puffs after Fergie's moans about her lovely lady lumps. Cocoa puffs? Is that a metaphor for something? I am convinced I am missing something. Nothing sexy about any cocoa puffs. Afro puffs, yes. Cocoa puffs, not so much. I do not understand how or why people take these people at all seriously. I foresee their obliteration from the musical landscape as soon as Fergie figures out to do what to do with the "junk in her trunk". Oops, she says she will get you drunk of her hump. Does that make any sense to anybody out there!?

Do not buy this shit on iTunes. Do not download this for free. If it comes on your radio, I say give it on listen. Laugh out loud and listen to the words. And never listen to this song ever again. Tell your friends, tell your family. We must put an end to the insanity that is pervading the American music scene. Their albums since Fergie came on board are called "Elephunk" and "Monkey Business". I think the next one will be "Zoobaleezoo" (does anyone else remember that show?). Crack is wack! You know, these fools are going on tour with Gwen Stefani. She is also known for her lyrical prowess (see "Hollaback Girl"). They all do kind of dress alike.

An open letter to Truett Cathy and Chick-fil-a (inter alia)

2005-09-16T15:03:00.000-05:00

Dear Truett Cathy and everybody who works at Chick-fil-a,

I have a bone to pick with you. I love Chick-fil-a, I sincerely do. I love everything you guys have (ok, except for the coleslaw, wraps and that raisin and carrot salad…ok, really only the chicken sandwiches, brownies, nuggets and strips). It’s all so good. And every time I go to one of the free-standing restaurants, I am greeted with friendly people who expertly feign their concern for my happiness. Fools have me convinced that I am their number one priority! Within minutes of my ordering, I am given my food. So speedy and quick, always with the right amount of cooking done. So why would any other Chick-fil-a be different? That is my question to you. All of you.

There is something off about Chick-fil-a restaurants on college campuses. Something is missing. The food tastes different. I waited ten minutes today for a twelve pack of nuggets. Ten minutes, Truett! You guys pride yourselves on fast food. That is slow food. I want my nuggets sooner, rather than later. Later should never be an option. If I wanted to wait, I would have gone to Subway! There were five people standing behind the counter. No sandwiches, nuggets or fries available. Your business is cooking food. There should never be a short supply. Ever. However, at this particular outlet, there is consistently a shortage of fried goodness. Why? That is your job. When you see the nuggets getting low, throw some in the fryer. It’s all automated homie; you don’t have to do shit except take them out when the buzzer goes off. It is not hard. Why, oh why, must I wait for food when it should be sitting there waiting on me? There is no excuse. This is making me heated. This particular place wouldn’t know what heated means, as sometimes they like to serve cold waffle fries.

I am a fried food connoisseur. I know what is good and what is not. This particular Chick-fil-a does not know correct frying procedures. Sometimes, it’s over-fried to the point of disgusting. And then other times Truett, it’s under-fried, as in not cooked. Do the fools you let act as ambassadors of Chick-fil-a-ness know what standards you need to be holding sacred!? I don’t think they do. And that upsets me. I have been a fan of Chick-fil-a for forever, as long as I can remember. I don’t want to not give you my money, but these folks are asking for it. I was this __ close to asking for the manager. I don’t care how well you can sing or if you can’t speak English, I want my damn chicken nuggets! And folks were trying to twist it on me, like I was acting too good for a chicken sandwich. I had wanted nuggets for like half an hour and I wanted them then. Nothing else would do. I wasn’t going to settle just because these fools couldn’t get their mess together. Nope, not today. And then this guy who worked there asked me if I needed anything. Nope, I like to stand in front of food for fun, don’t mind me. No, cot damn it, I want a twelve pack of nuggets! This is your job, get to frying!

So as I step down of my soap box of waffle fries and ice dream cones, I beg of you Truett, get your act together. Don’t let these people carry on like this. Something must be done. I don’t expect a revolution. I simply expect to get nuggets when I walk up to the counter. That’s all that I ask. Next time when you’re counting up all your money one of those Sunday mornings (cause you know no Chick-fil-a fool works on Sunday), think of the people who want and value the fried deliciousness you provide and know that they deserve more than what you have been giving them. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Concerned, hungry fried chicken fan

In other news, I’m on this medicine that dries out like every part of my body. I’m sitting in class thinking my nose is running like a mother. Nope, it was straight-up bleeding. Not cool. It was kind of hard to play off, but I think it worked, other than the bloody crust on my nostril. Who looks at those anyway? My doctor told me to buy some kind of something to put up in there. I now have no clue what it’s called. I also think he talked about Vaseline. So I bought some and put in my nose. We’ll see how it goes.

Oh, and I’m in total obsession with Coldplay right now. I have been liking them for a while (since their second, and may I say classic, album). I look at websites man. This is bad. I want to own every song they’ve ever made. Is that bad? Like, I feel it’s better than crack or something. They’re such a good band. I believe they are my favorite. I don’t care if they sing a bunch of slow, “I want to slit my wrists” songs. Shit is hot.

Shit and run

2005-09-09T12:38:00.000-05:00

As many of you folks who have been reading my shit for a minute know, I have issues with the bathroom. Be it my own undiagnosed gastrointestinal disorder or the damn fools that like to create chaos up in there, something always seems to be going down involving the bathroom and myself. It has been the story of my college experience. Why should this year be any different?

So this freshman fool took it upon himself to police the bathrooms. And not in any kind of way you might think. He wasn't stopping pissing on the toilet seat, using too much toilet paper or people taking showers without any kind of shoe on (folks pee in the shower, bathing barefoot is disgusting). He apparently had been observing nearly everyone since he moved in. And he noticed that people did not wash their hands after shitting. Ok, may be kind of gross, but that is not my business. If you want to not wash your hands, be my guest. I don't do it sometimes because the soap doesn't lather and it feels like no cleaning is being done (not to say I am a person who does nasty things like pee or shit on their hands). Anyway, this fella decided it was his duty to step it up and lay down the law.

So he outlined his plan for assuring clean hands and banning, as he phrased it, "Shit and runs". I misread it as like people who have shits and/or runs. Anyway. Apparently, it is our mama's duty to make sure we wash our hands after shitting and girls would be notified. If you are in fact friends with girls, my friend, I'm not worried about them. They're friends with Mr. Clean. You make me look like Jude Law or something. My only qualm, "Do you shit on your hands!?" I don't. It has never been a problem. And I certainly do not watch for other people with poop hands to see if they are washing their's. I find this so odd. I use the bathroom and leave. I'm not looking at what other folks are doing or not doing. That's their thing. If I want to shit on my hands, is not on me to decide? This guy decided it would be his call to save the world of shitty hands. There's all kinds of catastrophe going down in the Gulf, and he's worried about folks shitting on their hands. Good god.

Today, someone was royally stinking up the bathroom. I understand this; it's a bathroom not a flower shop. Homie with the shit hand sign went in and sprayed air freshener. That's cool man. Are you a grandma or something? It's a bathroom. You don't live up in there. If it smells up in my room, spray all the air freshener you want. But the bathroom is a generally stinky place. Let it go!

I guess I should take my own advice and let this mess go. It just pisses me off that I had to look at this sign for like five days. And now I'm anal (haha) about being conspicuous when washing my hands. I will not be known as Shitty Hands, even if I never shit on them. Ugh. I don't think President Bush likes shitty hands, either.

P.S.
This does not mean I don't wash my hands! I just have trouble with someone else policing the bathroom behaviors of others. Go in, do your thing, get out. Don't talk to folks, don't be watching me to see how many paper towels I use. It is just the bathroom.

Diarrhea's Children

2005-07-24T01:03:00.000-05:00

Being mad, realizing you probably have little to be mad about and knowing you will pretend like the night you spent being an asshole never happened = good.

Destiny's Child, in concert, with Beyonce doing the booty shake = excellent.

Destiny's Child cutting every song you know down into minute-and-a-half versions (chorus, verse, chorus, spotlight!) = not so good.

Having diarrhea all day = ugly.

Having diarrhea at the concert, nearly passing out from heat exhaustion while still seated in the stall (sweaty butts and single-ply toilet paper are a deadly combination), nearly being blinded from the sweat dripping from your forehead from the aforementioned heat and going to the medical trailer to receive Immodium AD and Maalox = not funny then, kind of hilarious now.

Passing on the stomach bug to my friend who was floating down the brown river by the end of the concert after I became dried up = kind of funny (especially because I was all over the place during "Lose My Breath" and she was just trying to live and not have to pick up any body parts that may have become loose during the eruptions).

Going to a bar for the first time, having an excellent time, meeting up with old friends = about damn time.

Getting a free pizza from the pizza guy, having not ordered it and him telling me something that I don't remember because I was like, "Shit, this is for real!" = kind of weird, kind of good, kind of confusing because who drives all the way out to deliver a pizza for free? A little shady? Probably. Did I still eat the pizza? Fuck yeah.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

Almost weirdest day ever...

2005-06-23T20:33:00.000-05:00

I can't exactly remember the weirdest day, but this one is close.

- Britney Spears' movie "Crossroads" is on TV. I thought the world burned every copy of that movie.

- Every person at the grocery store asked me how I was. I wasn't in baller attire, or flashing dough. Normally nobody asks me anything. Maybe they've stepped up their customer service. Odd for Food Lion.

- I was accosted by a bagger or something at aforementioned grocery store. He confessed, "I'm feeling kind of wacky." Who says that!? Like grandmas use the word wacky. People like Julie Andrews. Which reminds me, why is "The Sound of Music" playing in my living room?

- I swear every time at work when I bust a move, somebody is rolling up trying to get on a damn boat. And then I feel super goofy. I was showing my friend the requisite "white girl moves". You know, the one with the ass all out and the hands on the floor. I was saying how not hot it is. You need to use more of the pelvis. Make yourself different than every other Tiffany or Ashley. And then this dude with handicapped kid came up. I was totally not laughing at him, but laughing at my situation because he saw me backing it up. It was embarrassing for me, so I laughed because it was also hilarious. I hope he's not offended.

- No food in my house means I have to fend for myself. Anyone want to explain why I came back with Lean Cuisine lasagna and macaroni and cheese, along with two packs of sandwich meat and some skim milk? I don't think I could handle living alone if I buy things like that when I am in desperate need of food. Crickity crickity crizzack. Whitney, where are you!?

Downloading music: Why I refuse to buy anything by anybody named Gucci Mane

2005-06-15T00:46:00.000-05:00

If you have never downloaded music, I think it’s safe to say you are lying. In fact, if you are reading this, then you are probably pretty in-tune with the whole internet thing anyway, so don’t act like you don’t know. Let me say first that I have spent a portion of the past two days downloading quite a bit of music. I’m not going to lie. I’m not stealing, so fuck the RIAA. There are only certain artists that I will give my money. That list includes Janet, Jay-Z, Mary J. Blige and now Coldplay. Everybody else gets the download.

My current favorite song is “Icy” by Gucci Mane and Young Jeezy. I flat-out refuse to spend money on anything by anybody with names like these two goofies. The song is the hotness, but I will never purchase either album by these fools. Why? We all know that the rest of the album will be much of the same things, talking about chains hanging down to nether regions and the like. There is no money of mine going to these fools’ bank accounts. Sorry. I will however download the song and put it in the mix. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Some artists have proven that their albums are worth buying. I will discount Janet this last one (“Damita Jo”) because she was under such stress from the wardrobe malfunction; normally she performs up to her expected level. Coldplay have been straight bringing it. They deserve some money. Gucci Mane does not.

I guess it’s kind of odd now for folks to want to buy albums. Everybody’s got the I-pod, downloading albums onto them. Or simply downloading the songs they like. I know, all these folks pay for their music. I pay for mine damn it. I’m just highly selective about who receives my money. Some folks have been with me for the long haul. Mary J’s “My Life” has seen me through a large chunk of my life. Who doesn’t remember dancing to “Real Love” from “What’s the 411?”? Classic shit. Folks like her and Janet deserve people’s money. Jay-Z, whose albums tend to be rather spotty, has proven that even on the weakest track by Kanye or whoever he picks to make him a song, that he can still kill it with some witty rhyme or a verse that just leaves folks like, “Wow, did he just do that!?” See “It’s Hot” or “Hola Hovito”. Coldplay, my god. I loved “A Rush of Blood to the Head”. “X&Y” has been in constant rotation since I bought it last week. It’s not necessarily better than Rush, but it still sounds good, which makes listening to it even more enjoyable. The same cannot be said for other folks.

Prince, who is definitely up there on my list of favorite all-time artists, has yet to show me that he is worthy of my spending money on everything he puts out. I think I have actually bought one Prince album (“Sign of the Times”). I own both discs of his greatest hits. You really don’t need anything else by him if you own these. They’ve got everything. Which brings me to my next point; I do not shy away from purchasing greatest hit albums by folks I like. I would never in my life buy an Elton John album. I mean, come on, he’s got like 75, that’s too much money for him to spend on giant sunglasses. But I did pick up his double-disc greatest hits. I love some Tina Turner, but she knows what a single is and what is not and her albums reflect that. So I also recently picked up her greatest hits collection. And I did buy the cheaper Taiwan version (I live in America, and this mess was like $5 cheaper…I don’t get it, but what’s money got to do with it?), but it meant that I was getting exactly the same thing. I love Tina. Marvin Gaye, Michael Jackson, their greatest hit albums are worth buying. I will recommend Michael’s “Dangerous” album though. It’s the straight heat even now.

Anyway, I had to write out this out to explain to myself why I continue to buy albums but only by certain people. My friend asked why I did and I said, “Because I like to support people I like.” Really, it’s because I want to support people I like who have proven they are worth buying their albums. “Icy” is the jam right now, but Gucci Mane ain’t got nothing on anybody!

I've been smoking weed...ragweed

2005-05-31T00:47:00.000-05:00

My eyes are red. I'm feeling kind of light-headed. No, I'm not high. It's allergy season ho, and it's in full effect. I don't believe I've ever been so negatively affected by my allergies but this seems to be an all-time low. I've been on mad pills for about three weeks now. Nothing seems to be able to stop the run of my nose or the water of my eyes. I'm not crying damn it, it's the pollen! Mess has been pretty incredible. I work outside. This is rather dumb for someone with such bad allergies. And working outside has certainly not helped me out at all. It's killing me softly man! I'm hurting right now. My head has all kinds of histamine clogging me up. I hope I don't have to fall asleep with my mouth open. That always gives me a sore throat the next morning, and that mess is just no good.

Tonight, I bought "Friday After Next". I already own the first "Friday" and I thought this one was also pretty funny. It sucks that "Next Friday" is so bad. It is not funny. Ok, honestly, the original Friday is the best and the other two don't really compare. But seeing the third for $10 was an offer I couldn't refuse. Wal-Mart has a weird way of making you buy things you didn't realize you wanted or needed. This movie is real funny. I may watch it tomorrow. I don't know. I tried watching "The Aviator" the other night. After 42 minutes, I thought, "And I still have another two hours." I had to turn it off. I ended up downloading music. Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't do much for me. Every time I look at him I think, "Why is this 35 year old man trapped in a 12 year old boy's body!?" It's kind of weird. Why is Giselle with him? If she wants a for real young looking dude that is young (not 12 damn it, but at least a for real adult) give me a shout.

I think I should go to sleep. I wanted to sleep way in today, but I woke up at like 9:44 and could not fall back asleep. My right nostril was super-congested and I couldn't breathe. This allergy shit sucks. I think I may have to suck it up and go to the doctor. I'm not afraid of the doctor, but they're out of the way and inconvenient. But I cannot breathe and the eyes keep watering. We shall see.

Second row: just me and the force

2005-05-22T23:36:00.000-05:00

I am by no means a light-saber carrying fan of Star Wars. I enjoyed the movies when I was a kid, so seeing how the story came to be through the three prequels has been somewhat important. I have to know the whole story! Anyway, my friend and I roll up to the theater, leaving twenty minutes early to beat the crowd. I think an hour early would have been better. These fools had every seat saved. There were no two or three chairs together anywhere. I will never understand why people cannot sit next to each other. Coodies do not exist, move over ho! So we ended up in the second row. There was no uncomfortable craning of the neck to see the screen, but the screen is so large that everything going on seems to be multiplied by thirty-seven and going on simultaneously. And that was just the previews.

I don't know why, but the theme music to Star Wars gives me goose-bumps. It is very inspiring for some reason. John Williams is a master of doing the music thing. I believe he also rocked out on Shindler's List (sad movie, but awesome music). So things get crackin in the galaxy far far away. I always read critics who despise George Lucas' script-writing but I never really took notice. But in this one it was very apparent. It seemed like a how-to on clichés. It doesn't take away from the movie too much though because we all know what happens anyway. First, Anakin is a big time pushover. I kept thinking, "Grow a pair you pansy." The head senator man had that fool under his control in a matter of minutes. I believe being mentally weak was his weakness anyway, so I guess it makes sense. But he was so easily swayed. He's a dumb person. I guess that's why he's got to be such a badass when he becomes Darth Vader, you know, to overcompensate for his inability to stand up for his Jedi beliefs (among other things, come on, he's a machine now). Haven't there been comparisons lately of Vader and George Bush? I think ol George knows exactly what he wants and it's Condoleezza and Chaney that do whatever he says. Annnyway.

So Natalie Portman does her thing in this movie. She's such a good actress (see Garden State), but here she seems aloof. She lost the spunk or something her character had in the first two. I guess that's what happens when you fall in love with the future-bionic man. She's a damn fool, too. Her character and Vader are so stupid, so blind to anything outside of themselves, that I just find it hard to believe they will let the fate of the galaxy fall by the wayside in an effort to save themselves. Selfish-ass bitches. But I guess it does have to happen this way because otherwise the first three movies would be retarded because there would be no Vader, Luke and Leia. Nevertheless, Portman does a lot of tramping around and moaning and groaning. I believe she is a desperate housewife before the term was even coined. Barefoot and pregnant, barefoot and pregnant.

All kinds of battles and dying go down. Samuel L. Jackson (his twin works at my local Olive Garden) dies. That was sad. But even he wasn't his normal cinematic badass self. I attribute this to Lucas and his vision, or whatever crock he wants us to believe. Obi Wan doesn't die (which we knew) but it appeared to be a close call. And this fool left Anakin to die. Ok, so he was part of the dark side, but he was Obi Wan's dog, homie, his ronie, his sconie. And he left that man to simmer and fizzle to his death. That was a cold day in Tatooine. So the bad emperor dude comes and rescues the scorched Anakin/Vader. Next time we see Vader, he's outfitted in the infamous breathing suit, equipped of course with James Earl Jones' voice. That was hot if they brought him back because it certainly sounded like him. Hayden Christiansen just doesn't sound menacing to me. Maybe to an Ewok or something though. Anyway, James Earl Jones' voice put the final touches on the transformation from the five year-old kid in Episode One to the only thing human is the head man of Episode Three. I was definitely left with a strong desire to see the first three films. I know how mess turns out, but the segue-way into the first movies was flawless. I must see them all! The movie did an excellent job of blending the prequels with the subsequent movies, even if you're not a Star Wars freak like myself, you will enjoy this. Just make sure you have been to the bathroom (this bitch is like five hours long, I nodded off several times...one can only take so much force mumbo-jumbo and goofy looking aliens...and I was mad sleepy) and get there early. Otherwise you end up sitting next to someone born in the mid-90's who talks too much and knows aliens' languages. That's cool man, but keep the Wookie to yourself.

Chaotic, er just plain insane

2005-05-18T12:38:00.000-05:00

I know you watched Britney Spears' reality show last night. Wow. It is official that both she and Mr. Spears were born in a house on wheels. You know, I'm all for folks keeping it real, not fronting and what not. But this is almost like extreme reality television. I feel like this show is verging on invasion of this ho's personal life. It almost just feels creepy. It's cool that you want folks all up in your business, but I don't want to watch you gloat about how good sex is with trailer daddy. It's just gross. I swear he works at the Exxon down the street. Isn't he a dancer or something? What was he ever in, the instructional video on how to look like Justin Timberlake's West Virginia cousin? Speaking of which, does anybody else notice their similarity? They look eerily alike to me, that is until Kevin decided to stop cutting and washing his hair. He also reminds me of Billy Bob Thorton. Odd he is.

So this whole thing (other than the random I guess post hoc interviews) was taped on a regular-ass video camera. If this is where reality television is heading, expect my show in the fall. It seems like Britney saw "The Blair Witch Project" and thought, "Golly, I could do somethin like that there". It's both ghetto and trailer at the same time. The editing makes little sense. There are frequent cuts between Britney "in concert" (meaning, she has on a wig and is moving her mouth) and Britney in the dressing room. This chick is for real not pretty when she's not made up. Which reminds me, look at this picture. If you don't roll over in laughter you're not human. Shit is hilarious. I would never get with this ho looking like that all the time. I bet she has killer morning breath, too. She looks all kinds of rough. I bet her and Kevin reek havoc on some Slim Jims. I don't think they can decide between wanting to be thugs or bumpkins. They're a confusing couple.

Ok, I just looked at my title and it reminded me of the theme song. The song that plays at the beginning is one that didn't make Britney's last album. First, if it didn't make the album it must have been pretty bad because some of the stuff that actually did make the album was painful on the ears. So they decided it would be better as the theme song for her reality show. I think whoever works for Michael Jackson (all his yes men) also work for Britney Spears. Second, the words. I am sure she wrote this one herself. "Aw shucks Jaime Lynn, I am gonna write me a little song today. I was reading the dictionary, you know, so then I will look smart, and I saw this word. I had to ask Madonna what it meant. She's all into kaballah, which means you're smart, so she would know. And was like, 'Oh my gah, this would be such a purty song'. So then I went over to Sweden and found that guy who did 'Oops I Did It Again' and had him produce it. I just love how he makes all my songs sound alike. But like, you know, I was like, 'My life is chaotic'. And it reminded me of a perfume they sell at Piggly Wiggly, so I knew it was the one." Goofy-ass shit. The song sucks. The show is by no means compelling. It could've used the scripting The Simple Life used. I don't think, however, it was meant to be a reality show because it seems way bootleg. I will probably watch it again though. It's so bad, but damn it, I am struggling for television these days. A little over a month until Bobby Brown is on. Thank god.

What up possum

2005-05-14T00:08:00.000-05:00

I've lived in the south for my whole life. Never in my life have I see so many possums as I have in the past week. These badboys are everywhere. And only at night? Are they afraid of the day? I think they would be more likely to live if they did come out in the day because then we could see their dumbasses. Instead we are greeted by their mangy-ass selves and their like electric blue eyes when headlights hit them at night. Why you gotta be all up on the side of the road? I do not get these things.

Have you ever thought you had lice? Ugh, my head is straight-up itching for real and it's got me all paranoid. My sister got lice once from camp and it was the end of the world in our house. Everything had to be sprayed down with lice killer spray and everything else like washed in scalding water. I will never understand why they let people who forget towels to dry off with towels from lost and found. That's not necessarily unsanitary, but it's just kind of gross. But it does explain how lice becomes an epidemic among young fools. But yeah, my head is itching and stuff. I have become so slack when it comes to bathing as of late. That is for real gross. I've heard lice doesn't really like dirty hair or something, so I believe I'm in the clear. But man, I don't want no lice! That mess is serious. I am a grown-ass fool fearing lice. If you never experience the wrath of lice, you won't understand. I was never a victim, but I had to have that little-ass comb run through my hair with that heinous smelling shampoo. That stuff is gross.

Yeah, that's about it.

I'm just slightly crazy

2005-05-11T00:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, so maybe I tend to harp on things a lot. I don't feel like people are called out the way they need to be. Hey Paris, your movie sucks. Hey girl, don't write friends notes to tell them you're moving out. Next point.

Wow. I just deleted what was going to be rant about fake-ass people. See TLC's "Case of the Fake People". And yes, that was just a TLC reference. I'm so gully, so hood. I'm done with the fake, end of story. Next.

I don't feel like me saying folks are acting dumb is so bad. I act dumb, but I can laugh at myself. Some folks take themselves so seriously that it is funny. I'm just trying to be funny, that's all.

Lots of quick, short paragraphs. I bought Tina Turner's greatest hits tonight. I already had the old one from McDonald's from like 1994, but this new mess is like two-CDs. Hot. Folks wanting to deny Tina is like folks wanting to deny Michael Jackson. If you try, you are lying! "Nutbush City Limits" is some funky-ass music, man. Funky for real. And then she breaks it down, mid-90s R&B style with, "Why Must We Wait Until Tonight". Ooooh weeee. I know somebody who had to turn that song off because it was too sexual. Like it was obscene or something. I laughed. Did you know Bryan Adams helped write that song? Insane!

Ok, so since I left school, I've realized how odd everything really did smell. Everything I own has this peculiar smell of my stank sheets or something. I don't get it. Funky smells are like pouring out of my room. And I want to leave the window open to like air mess out, but then I fear for pollen like invading and making my throat all itchy. This was this case this morning. I was all trying to scratch it (by doing the hocking a loogie thing...if you don't know, don't ask). I don't know if it worked, because my throat ended up being mad itchy all day. Who knows. Pollen is next to stank smells on the list of silent killers. Who knew the smell was that bad? I had no clue.

I am up way late. I've been on too long. I had to send someone an email to explain my performance on one of my exams. I just don't see how it happened. Ok, I watched two and a half hours of Making the Band 3. I did, and I don't regret it. But that grade is not indicative of my performance man, I am telling you. We'll see how it goes down. I guess I'm done or something. Don't let folks fool you. And don't be mad at folks who don't deserve it. I get in a bad-ass mood sometimes and take it out on those closest to me. And that just ain't right. Don't hate me if I act insane. I love you guys. I believe it was Seal who said, "We're all a little crazy." Me, I'm just slightly more than a little. Have a bomb one.

House of Crap

2005-05-08T12:08:00.000-05:00

I went and watched "House of Wax" last night. Other than the fact that they beat the "Paris Hilton videotape" thing to death, that the script sucked, the acting was stiff and there were thousands of pounds of wax and/or peanut butter, it was ok. Ok at best. Paris is, well, mechanical. But I really don't think that the script helped. The one-liners were goofy. Chad Michael I'm on Seventh Heaven or some shit looked like Justin Timberlake. I think he was told to model his character after Timberlake, on the whole I will pretend to be a bad-ass from the streets kind of way. Not hard at all. He came off real goofy like. And what was the dude from I think it was called "My Cousin Skeeter" making out with Paris Hilton? That was very odd, indeed. He looks about twelve years old, compared to Paris who looks somewhere between 20 and 45. She looks so weird sometimes, but still hot. I believe you would call that an anomaly or something. She's different, but still captivating in a weird way. Who knows. The movie was not hot, so if you want to see it, rent it. But it will leave you with this weird fear of candles or something. I tell you, I am not going near anything wax related for a while.

I am so bored. I hate hurrying up to wait, for real. It smells like old ass in the hallway. It smells real bad. Speaking of stink, apparently it was stinking up in the room for like weeks or something, but we were not aware of the odor because, well, we live here. Some people made some complaints, but I was like chill out spaz, I don't smell anything. Turns out, there was something deadly funky in the trashcan that we didn't smell it. Apparently everybody else could smell it except for us. I hope this is not indicative of like other odors I miss. Like sometimes, I won't shower for a couple days or something (not because I'm gross, but sometimes I'm just lazy...which is not to say that I am so lazy as to not clean myself or clean my room or anything, so don't get it twisted!), and I bet I really do smell bad. I can smell the grease and stuff on my face I think. It definitely smells different when you are clean, so I think dirty does have a smell. I think I'm going to start taking showers everyday from now on. Starting tomorrow.

Why would anyone buy "Pimp My Ride" on any kind of format? I don't want deleted scenes of Ish talking about how we cut the vinyl to put in someone’s Bronco. That show is kind of cool to watch when you catch it by accident, but I do not go out of my way to make sure it is something that I make sure to watch. And it's the anchor of MTV's Sunday night television. Let's get retarded is what I think when I see that crap on there Sunday nights. Ok, that was me last week watching the new Punk'd, despite my loathing of Ashton Kutcher. Mess was funny, with real-ass celebrities like Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz, like people who you would never think would be on that show. Normally, it's like freakin Stonecold Steve Austin or Screech, but they had for real A-list folks on there. I guess Ashton decided he had to stop messing around with the goofies. But then like Joss Stone was on the next episode. Maybe the top-level celebrity thing was a one-episode thing. Who knows.

Anybody else seen the preview for this week's Real World/Road Rules challenge thing? Shit man, it looks insane. So like Mike was giving Brad a wedgie, and Brad seemed eerily into it. And then all of a sudden, he goes straight-up, hardcore ballistic. He says something like, "Congratulations son, you're a meathead. But don't ever put your hands on my underwear." So Mike like ripped the kid's underwear off of him. But fool didn't seem to be minding at all, until he was without underwear? The commercials leave me rather confused, but dang, it looks insane and you know my ass will be watching it.

I believe I am the most random person ever. Okay, actually not. I know at least one other person who will jump from one thing to the other to the other and then back again. Anyway, just played the Pimp my Ride game thing. Goofy. I need a life.

Call on me

2005-05-05T20:34:00.000-05:00

I think this song is taking over my life. I find it going through my head for like hours. Either that or I'll be pelvic thrusting and singing this song to myself. This is bad. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go here. It will rule your life and you'll want to watch it over and over again. I need help. Call on meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Here's an update on the drama that went down last week. Saw the chick in the cafeteria, wanting to act like she didn't know somebody. Get your nose out of the air and recognize! I have done nothing to this girl, but I guess I'm guilty by association. Which is cool, whatever man. But dang, you can say hey to me. So now, I'm thinking she meant absolutely nothing by talking about maintaining friendships with my friend, which in turn means not maintaining friendships with anybody else. That's cool. I find it funny that she can now be found roaming around campus, hiding in weird spots, pretending to be a ghost, eat meals with people she talks mad shit about. I hold no grudges, but ho, don't lie.

I'm sitting here with that damn song still stuck in my head. Good god. My new deodorant smells like hairspray. It's not real hot. But then during the day after it's been on there a while, it makes my shirt smell weird. And this mess is like a clear gel thing, and it left deodorant stains on my black t-shirt. I wore it anyway. But it's clear and leaving white marks? I don't get it man.

Don't send me emails, unless it's like real important. I'm real bad about getting back to people for some reason. I'll send them out real quick, but I am real slow on the reply. My aunt sent me an email like three days ago and I haven't got back to her. I feel bad, but like, I am not compelled to write back. Don't know why. Notice I wrote a ton about this goofy-ass song, but haven't been able to send an email. No clue why, I just can't write back. I think it's a psychological thing maybe. Like avoidant email personality. Or maybe it's crack.

Speaking of which, Bobby Brown has a reality show coming on later this month. It's too good to be true! The Whitney/Bobby interview from a few years back, "I make too much money to smoke crack. Crack is wack" was insanely hilarious (and sad, I mean, she cannot hit the notes like the Bodyguard days, but cracked out Whitney is a damn trip!), and now they're going to be on my TV once a week!? Too hot. It was supposed to come on like in the fall sometime or something, but they moved it on up. I believe this could be the best thing on TV since Puff's Making the Band I (you know with Chopper and Dylon the crazy wannabe rastafarian who got kicked out the group cause he had to keep going to court or making side appearances like he was somebody special). Anyway, I am for real looking forward to this. It's been a while since some quality-ass reality TV has been on. Not since like Laguna Beach has anything got me watching. I honestly feel that this Bobby Brown show will be the bomb show. Like I don't see it reviving his dead career (I believe his only huge hit was just covered by Britney "I wanted to claim I was fat but I am really pregnant" Spears), but this could be big. I wonder if he and Whitney were followed on their quest for that good ganja. I only smoke cause I have bipolar disorder. Ok Bobby, whatever you say.

My mom alerted me to the fact that my favorite burrito place was appearing a whole lot on my bank statement. I think she thought it was a mistake, something I should look into, as if these folks were stealing money from me. No, I willingly give it to them that much that many times a week. Sometimes twice a day. I want to hate on Bobby for his addiction, but I am addicted to mexican food, for real. Like I was thinking I may not get one tonight, I'm not that hungry. But the stomach started talking and it's telling it to feed it with some good-ass chicken and cheese and salsa. Mmmm, mess is the bomb.

think I have some emails to read and not respond to or something. Holla.

Courtesy flush damn it!

2005-05-02T12:25:00.000-05:00

You know, I love the bathroom. Ok, I really don't, but I do spend a large almost inordinate amount of time in there (for reasons only known to myself and a select few who can handle my shit, no pun intended). I think this has been the case my entire life. My parents told me wherever I went, I had to use their bathroom. Something about seeing different bathrooms or something. Anyway, sometimes they are kind of cool. Except when they have the creepy service-man who offer you cologne and soap. That's odd to me. I can get my own soap and paper towels. And there is certainly no reason for me to have to tip you because you put soap in my hand. I digress.

So as an avid user and fan of bathrooms, I know which ones to use and which ones not to. Which ones have overflow problems and which ones the handle breaks off and it leaks water everywhere (another story). But regardless of the amenities in the bathrooms, for the most part, they all smell bad. Either like shit or some stank cleaning product, but they all stink. And that's cool because it is a bathroom and I understand what goes down in there. So all of this leads up to last night's episode in the bathroom.

Good god. I walked in and had to restrain myself from vomiting. It smelled god-awful. Like someone's dog had attacked the bathroom after eating chocolate or something (I believe chocolate and dogs are not a good mix). So I am trying to brush my teeth and breathe through my mouth when I realize there is someone in the stall. This ho is sitting on top of whatever that deadly smell is. Does your own smell not gross you out? You're sitting on top of Satan's stench and not doing anything about it!? It was disgusting. My friend did not smell it, but whoa, it was pungent.

So if it smells bad (and you know when you lay down a stinker), give the toilet a flush. Do yourself and everyone else entering and leaving the bathroom a favor by giving a courtesy flush. I've grossed myself out before with the odor emanating from the toilet, so I've done the courtesy flush not only for others, but also for my damn self. It smells like shit to me, why would I want to sit there and take that all in? There just is no reason to do that to you or to others. And man, sometimes I swear it was the cow building at the fair it smells so bad. And it's not even that I am disgusted by the act (tell me someone who doesn't take a shit) or that I am grossed out by talking about it (see everything I've already said or have a conversation with me), but the poop smell is not hot. And for someone to sit on top of that while I'm gasping for air is not healthy for anyone.

Ah. I think I end up putting near-whole conversations I have with my friend on here. But damn it, sometimes mess is too funny not to share.

I am Peter Pan

2005-04-30T19:06:00.000-05:00

Taking a little break from the studying to reflect, or just talk about some things. So we moved most of everything out today. No more shelves, no more carpet, no more books we brought to make us look smart. It's very weird. And this damn chair (the one that comes with the room) is straight shit. Like the one I brought was by no means a La-Z-Boy, but it is the bomb compared to this one. It has those leg things that let you sit straight, lean back or forward. So every time I lean in one direction, the whole thing moves, causing me to semi-fall out to realize I'm not going anywhere. Since the couch has been gone, my sense of spatial stuff has been completely out of wack. Maybe it's all the Benadryl running through my system.

I have become a lover of Mexican food. I never used to eat salsa, but now it goes on every fourth chip or so. But I feel like I could almost eat this mess like once a day (the burritos and quesadillas do not count!). Mess is really good. Well, actually, I am reminded of why I don't eat this every day. My stomach is beginning its rumble. The bathroom and I are pretty good friends.

This whole college thing is almost over. It's kind of weird. I said today it feels like just yesterday I was in high school. The whole time thing is for real. The years have come and gone, and all I have to show is what I don't remember about psychology and some funny stories about roommates who I don't know their names. This year though allowed for some bomb memories, those "late-night" college memories if you will. I will not list them out, but don't be licking my head like Michael Jackson!

Speaking of Michael Jackson, he is guilty. He's got to be. What normal person had photography books of nude little boys? Actually, I think the question is who would make one in the first place. Ugh, Michael Jackson confuses me. But I insist on reading the daily run-downs of his trial. Am I freak because of that? He's odd, but mess is real interesting. I can separate the man from his work, so even if he did stuff to that boy (who, by the way, had to know what was poppin off, his ass was like 13), I will still rock some "Remember the Time" and everything else he recorded up until 1991. Everything after that is crappy. "Earth Song"? "Childhood"? "I am 47, but think I'm 13 and I believe I am Peter Pan"? Man is a freak, but don't act like you never got down to one of his songs. Heee heeeee!

Well, I believe the Supreme Court has sent a subpoena for me to read. I hate that crap. I hate my computer. It's so slow. Oh well. Peace up.

The Post-it Always Sticks Twice

2005-04-28T17:34:00.000-05:00

Alright, so we know something went down last night and continued on into this morning. I established that I was not involved, but I ended up staying up late talking about it? I may not have been all up in it, but I still have shit to say about it! I hate taking it to the internet to discuss things, I really do. I've done this in the past and I don't know if I feel like doing it again, but this mess is kinda too funny not to talk about. And this hasn't stopped me before.

How does one tell somebody they don't want to live with them anymore? For myself, I move the fuck out and say nothing. Here today, gone tomorrow. It was my fridge, so your salsa and bottled water can live on the floor. I did take out the trash, so it wasn't too asshole. "I moved out. Have fun." That's what I told this fool. I am no good with that stuff. But it has always been with people who I had no kind of relationship with, so I was peace out, have fun. So what do you do if you want to get out of Dodge but not be the asshole? It doesn't start with a note.

I am a dude. I've watched Sex and the City. Girls do not want to be told big news by way of a note, post-it in particular, but note nonetheless. So to tell someone you've been in any kind of relationship/friendship with that you don't want to live together by way of note is something that cannot be condoned. It is not fly. And as a girl, you should know this. I should really be studying man! Anyway, how you gonna tell somebody through a note, a piece of paper with three lines explaining that you value the friendship, etc. and then say, I am leaving. You don't value anything if you are leaving folks a note. I didn't value folks, thus, I left that ho a note. The other folks I lived with, I just moved on out, no note, no nothing. I had no problem with that and I didn't have to deal with the reprecussions cause I was gone. I didn't pretend to care what they thought, I left those fools in the apartment with the K-Mart door alone, no idea where I was going and that I was not coming back. See ya you leaving loud-ass video games running all day, want to break down Gregorian chant with 15 other folks in the living room, I watch movies by candle light fools. You can't leave someone a note and then see their ass the next morning. You just can't.

I think there should be etiquette for assholes. If you're gonna be a punk, be a punk 100%, all the way. None of this half-ass punk because then you look dumb because you can't take the heat enough to say something in person so you leave a note thinking this will be cool. I will never get a note from someone telling me they're leaving because we will buck. No doubt. So yeah, if you're going to be the person who left the note, also be the person who got the fuck out and never had to see the person you were leaving ever again. Cut this mess off right then, be gone, no trace you ever lived there. Lingering is the worst thing an asshole can do because then, you are a lingering asshole and nobody likes those.

Come correct and all the way, expect the worst. Or get to packing and be gone before the note-receiver returns. That's how you be the asshole and still can think of yourself as alright. This mess is no joke. But it is funny.

Scrimp fried rice

2005-04-28T02:09:00.000-05:00

Folks want to announce free food, that's cool. I like some Asian food. Love some sweet and sour chicken and shrimp fried rice. I was looking forward to getting my eat on and not having to pay for it. So after about half an hour talking about what they could be giving us, we find out ain't nothin but spring rolls and crab rangoon. What is that!? I was expecting some egg rolls and mess. And I thought spring rolls were those like small egg rolls, not sushi. Come on man, I like my food cooked not raw! But I ate it anyway. What a weirdo. And the crab rangoon was kind of hot. Never had that before. I need to stop depending on these free food events to like feed me. The night before it was some hot wings. And by hot I mean sweet bbq and terayki. The tarayki was real good though. What can you really expect when it's free??

Has anybody realized how pimp Jessica Simpson's dad is? He's got both daughters a TV show, his son in law a TV show and now his other daughter's boyfriend has a show. Wow. He's making all kinds of money off these fools for real. Speaking of Jessica Simpson, at no point should she be blasted by males or females. She is not bangin, hot, cool or gangsta. How you gonna blast Ludacris, then Coldplay and then Jessica Simpson? In the words of my man Baby, "You are not a pimp."

We all have our guilty pleasure music, I'll admit it. But folks know when to keep mess on the down low. You don't have your door wide open and goofy-ass techno remix of Britney Spears going on. I cannot take you seriously man. Leave that mess to the headphones or the car, alone.

I have mad reading to do. What's with people and not understanding what that means? It means like a whole lot, crazy amount or a general shitload. Whoa, shit about to go down! Anyway, my language is not esoteric I don't feel like. Maybe this generation gap does exist. Or maybe I need to stop getting words off of 106 and Park.

Drama is poppin off. Glad I am not even involved. Got rid of the drama bug a while ago. Hootie hoo for that. No more drama in my life. Communication is key. I'm not getting on a soapbox though.

Friend or...

2005-04-25T17:59:00.000-05:00

I had my first out of facebook experience today. I know how I said I want as many friends as possible on there. But there are honestly people I am not friends with that do not qualify for even friends on facebook. But this dude asked me to be his friend. And I didn't want to offend anybody, and I want lots of friends, so I thought it was cool. He asked me, I didn't ask him. We are not necessarily friends in real life, more like acquaintances. Honestly, I only acknowledge his presence because he facebook’ed me.

So my for real life friend and I were walking back from class and my for fake facebook friend approached my for real friend. So this dude is all talking to my friend, with me standing there smiling because I feel this odd sense of awkwardness. So still no acknowledgment of me being there, which is cool because we are not friends in real life. But it was still odd because he asked me to be his facebook friend.

So anyway, as my for real life friend and I were walking away, I realized I never have had this experience before of being someone’s internet friend but not real life friend. Granted I didn’t say anything either, but like, I know in real and fake life we are not friends. Like I feel compelled to talk to people who I ask to be my facebook friend, for whatever crackhead reason. I think I need a life and only for real life friends. This facebook thing is goofy.

Let’s see. I am sure there are other things going on, but none are coming to mind. So here’s a hootie hoo for bringing back this journal mess. Holler if you like it. I’m done.